ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

[A video appears of a little girl, certainly no older than ten, with messy black hair and bright eyes. She's accompanied by a Chatot and smiling brightly.]

Chatot chatot!

[That was the girl, not the Pokemon. She continues in a voice that sounds like an older, bubbly woman.]

I can send a message!

Heck yeah you can. Good for you, kid.

[Weird thing to say, but sure, he'll encourage a kid who's proud they did a thing.]

[She mimics his voice very well:] Good for you, kid!

[Then she tips her head to the side, clicks her tongue and says in the same voice as before.]

I am Kiri!

Whoa.

[That imitation could easily be more than a little eerie under the right circumstances.]

Nice trick. I- oh, hang on-

[The video shifts to an odd angle for a moment as Finn massages his throat.]

Hello, hello, hello- ah!

[The Gear's camera rights itself and Finn speaks in a digitized autotune-]

Hi Kiri, my name is Finn, nice to meet you.

[She claps her hands, whistles (a little awkwardly; lips are new), and then does a pretty good impression of the autotune:]

Hi Kiri! My name is Finn! Nice to meet you!

[One difference is definitely the enthusiasm.]

1 // Goldenrod or Celadon

[So, about that expensive TM, evolutionary item, or other shiny trinket that your character just purchased from the department store...

Not even a few feet out of the building, a flash of black swoops in and nabs it right off of them. The next thing they know, a Murkrow is hovering just out of reach, caw-caw-cawing almost in the cadence of a cruel laugh.

After flying a short distance away, the offending bird lands on the shoulder of a young man who has been, for lack of a better word, looming nearby. He doesn't make a motion to accept the pilfered item from his Murkrow, but he certainly isn't doing anything to return it to the victim. In fact, his harsh glare trained directly on them almost challenges them to try to take it back.]

2 // Network - Video

[As soon as he has the PokeGear figured out, Sh'ten starts broadcasting with a very no-nonsense look and tone about him -- after all, he must cut right to the chase if he's to take control of this strange land for his master.]

Of the 18 Types of these "Pokemon," which are the strongest, and where can I find them?

3 // Choose Your Own Adventure

[Throw whatever you want at me!]

Outside Cherrygrove

[Hidden in the bushes outside of Cherrygrove, Karako chews one thumbnail pensively. In another patch of scrub, a Galarian Meowth crouches, waiting.

The new "city" is a little bigger, a little brighter in the dim starlight than the town preceding it, but it's definitely not a real city.

While it's kind of sad to think of this little collection of sad, squat hives as a city, what he really cares about is the danger. Or... lack thereof? It's hard to tell. That's the problem.

There was no real threat in the first little settlement--at least none so immediate that the mysterious alien creature known as 'mom' warned him about it. Just 'wild Pokemon' and 'running around without even any 'shoos' on.' He's still not completely sure what a 'shoos' is, but it seemed to be an esoteric word for strutcases.

This 'city' might be similarly small, but it's also.... creepy. So small and so still... no screams, no clash of metal or snap of chitin... uh, not that these soft, warm bodies have much chitin. They definitely have bones, though. They do have those. So, no bone-cracking sounds.

But he's so motherfucking hungry.

He'd traded his nut creature rations to Gigglesnarl for the candy his new friend had found, and then he'd eaten the berries.... that was a mistake, he knows that now. But it's a lesson that does him no good: his acid tracts are totally empty and periodically remind him of this, loudly. Which is bound to alert Drones eventually... though he hasn't actually seen or heard any Drones. It's just him, Gigglesnarl, and the speedy little squeakbeast they'd taken prisoner--an optimistic move on his part motivated entirely by a combination of Soldier Purrbeasts lore and the creature's appealing purple hues.

Just the three of them... and also the scores of alien wildlife and foliage they've pummeled into the dirt.

(Dirt is still a thing.)

And... nothing to eat. Going all the way around would be the safest choice. Other terrifying prospects aside, it's the number one way to evade detection.

But--

Sighing, he sits back on his ass and looks at Gigglesnarl before uttering a single sad, soft honk of defeat.

They're going to have to go in.]

[Grant doesn't want to be out on his own for too long at a time - even if "on his own" really means "with his Swinub". Really, it's not the risk of running into wild Pokemon that bothers him to begin with so much as that of leaving Chip and Dimitri unattended; sure, Dimitri is technically "adult supervision", and Grant doubts at this point that he would ever hurt Chip, but... look, Chip is ten, and Dimitri seems to have his head half in another plane most of the time. Things could easily go wrong.

But he also can't be there 24 hours a day, and he figures Truffle could use a little exercise. So. He gets a break, and Truffle has to work those little nub legs of hers for a bit.

Apparently, she also gets to work her nose a little, as she goes snuffling off toward something just outside Cherrygrove. Grant follows her with a sigh, just about to ask what it is she's going after when he hears...

A honk?

What is honking out here.

Grant slows down, but keeps following Truffle carefully, trying to get a look at... whatever she's found.

...Man, he hopes it's not some kind of magic goose.]

Ha, nice!

[Has he finally met someone else who swallowed a tiny computer? Because that's not something he's ever particularly worried about, but it'd be kind of neat.]

Can you sing?
Hey Kiri, you seem like a pretty cool kid
I'm glad we got to meet
In this brand new Pokè-world-

[No autotune this time, just the dulcet adolescent tones of Jeremy Shada. Whoever that is.]

Nah man, you're thinking about it all wrong. The strongest heroes are the ones who've forged their own power and skill through intense training and battle, warrior style. Pokèmons are probably the same, right?

[Finn mimes a few one-handed karate chops in demonstration.]

Or it's the dude with a magic sword or giant mech suit that shoots lasers and explosions, that'd be pretty tough to beat.

[At the sound of snuffling, Karako freezes.

At first glance, Karako has hope--it's just another new kind of nibble vermin, or maybe a small porkfiend. Unfair though it is that he can't eat these creatures, the wild ones are rarely threatening.

But bigger footsteps, heavy and careless and tired, follow.

No. Motherfucker.

There's a softbody behind the snuffling critter.

And the the creature smells him.

He knows he's not sneaky enough to retreat unheard, and his trail will leave a scent. There's only one solution.

As the big softbody comes ever nearer, Karako lifts one hidden finger, signalling Gigglesnarl to wait .... and to wait.... and then, when the sniffy lump is just a foot away, he retracts the finger to make a fist.]

HOOOOONK!!!!!

NYAAAAAA!!!!!

[In front, a clown--small, furious, leaping straight into the air and into his face while producing a sound like an angry ship that replaced its foghonk with an oversized bicycle horn.

From behind: Galarian Meowth, darting from the underbrush, aiming for the back of his knees.]

[Oh fuck this might be worse than a goose

Really, though, Grant was prepared for a few things the honking in the bush might have been coming from, but a child was not one of them - and this is definitely a child, he manages to pick up that much even with the kid jumping on him and honking again.

He absolutely does not have time to process what the hell is going on beyond that before a fluffy blur goes after his legs; he stumbles but narrowly maintains his balance, fumbling to remove the child from his face - carefully, he doesn't want to hurt the kid.] Hey-- okay, please don't! Just-- I don't want to hurt you!

[He has no idea if that's what the kid expected, but based on his very limited experience with children hiding in strange locations, it seems like a fair assumption. Also he doesn't want to hurt this child now, as he tries to just... gently wrangle him.]

[The problem with the 'I'll go high, you go low' strategy is that--amongst other things--Karako is still unarmed. The idea was to use the element of surprise to make an escape, not to get snatched out of the air and grappled by someone three or four times his size.]

HONK! HONK!! HOOONK! HONK?!

[It takes a few seconds of honking and flailing and grabbing and kicking his bare feet into the motherfucker's weird brown face for him to catch onto the fact that this guy isn't hurting him. Like, at all.

Karako's struggles slow, cautiously.]

.... honk? Honk?

[On the ground below, Gigglesnarl--having failed at toppling his Trainer's opponent--circles Grant while growling and making short, pointed jabs at his knees, claws out.]

[Grant scrunches up his face, craning his head back to keep away from the kid's kicking feet - is he not wearing shoes? - until the frantic kicking slows down enough that Grant is confident he can put him down without getting kicked in the gut.

And put him down he does, slowly and carefully, with a pointed look at the cat clearly still trying to threaten him. Truffle scoots closer, eyeing the cat herself in case it tries anything else.]

Okay. There you go. You okay?

[...Somehow, he already expects that the only answer he'll get is more honking. Is this kid okay?]

[Grant really ought to be commended for his restraint--not for declining to destroy a small child, although by Alternian standards that is pretty generous of him--but for declining to take on the whole 'full face paint' thing Karako is sporting.

But Karako's feet touch dirt and he doesn't sprint away.

He looks... mostly confused, really.

He stands there, listening to the sound of Gigglesnarl hissing furiously at the furry lump, and tips his head up.]

Honk?

[I legitimately don't have a good reason for John to be back in this region again right now so he just is, magically, purpose unknown. Alice asleep on his shoulders like a fluffy Altarian shawl, and Yawner ambling slowly along beside John like a fool.

Exactly like one, I guess, as he is one.

It's a nice, end of autumn walk, which means that the tiny juggalo John abruptly comes across....kind of gels with the mood? Like, it's not really a normal thing to find, some juggalo's lost son ahead of him in the woods, but there he is.

Man, is he lost? Maybe he isn't. Maybe there's a juggalo dad somewhere else. Either way, John looks around and then calls out from a bit of a distance:]

Hey! Are you lost?

[Listen, that is weird for sure - but in the grand scheme of things, when he's just been tackled by a honking, barefoot child, it doesn't stick out that much.

Grant glances at Truffle and the cat, and... well, it doesn't look like they're fighting at the moment so that's. Probably fine? Hopefully things will de-escalate as he talks to this kid.]

Uh... just nod if you're okay, and shake your head if you're hurt.

[He hopes the kid can understand him. So far, language barriers haven't been an issue, but he guesses it'd make sense that they would be eventually?]

[Uh......

Karako looks down at himself, but he wasn't hurt one minute ago and this soft... guy....... didn't really do anything to him, so all that happens is his empty gorgesac clenches painfully.

In the end, the little clown grimaces sadly while nodding his head vigourously. Not confusing at all.]

[Hmm. So that's a no on being hurt, but... also, it looks like, a yes on something being wrong.

What that something might be is pretty clear when he picks up on the quiet rumbling coming from the little boy's stomach. Grant frowns and kneels down on the ground, setting his bag down to start digging through.]

Have... you been out here a long time?

[Before he's quite done with the first verse, Kiri's picking it up, imitating the voice and the notes with ease. She even adds a little, still imitating the words but shifting the notes with the melody.]

Hey Kiri, you seem like a pretty cool kid
I'm glad we got to meet
In this brand new Poke-world
Hey Kiri, hey Kiri!

[After she's done, she grins, and gives a better imitation of a grown man's voice than any small girl probably should be able to. Complete with German accent!]

This means we are friends!

[For a second, Sh'ten looks like he's either going into shock or about to burst a blood vessel. Finn is clearly nowhere near what he expected.]

Spare me your useless training lessons, whelp. [He appears thoughtful for a moment, though...] What is the one who wields a magic sword called? It would suffice.

[The thing is, Karako doesn't even clock that sound as coming from his body.

Troll bodies, you see, make very different noises.

As far as he's concerned, that's probably the sound of the sniffy lump this motherfucker brought with him, and he's more concerned about whether or not that's an angry sound--but with Gigglesnarl hissing and baring his claws and teeth, it's hard to tell?

But--well, a few days isn't very long. So he shakes his head, quickly. Then:]

Honk! Honk!

[Karako waves his arms at Gigglesnarl, honking loudly for attention. The Galarian Meowth stops menacing Grant's Swinub and growls at him.

Karako bares his teeth back.]

[Wow dude, you asked.]

I dunno, man! I'm just saying if there was one it'd probably mega-ridonkulous powerful!

Mathematical! You're pretty good at impressions and junk, where'd you learn that?

[Honestly, what Sylvain values more than anything right now is the little things. Creature comforts. The bottle of ~~perfume~~ cologne he purchased was probably far too expensive for his meager budget, and didn't quite smell like what he'd squirreled away back home but... It's close enough for him to consider it a worthwhile purchase.

And if he's lucky, maybe someone else will enjoy it too.

Of course, that someone else was supposed to have been a girl. A cute one, at that. And while he can't exactly sex a bird from a distance away, he's pretty sure that whatever this thing isn't his type.

The scarecrow incident, he reminds himself, absolutely does not count.]

Hey, what the -- [He stops to give the young man a look. He's not sure what's going on with his face, but he certainly doesn't look like anyone Sylvain has come across. And being that he's in an entirely new land, he'd at least like to think that it's entirely unlikely that he's broken a relative's heart.

Not yet at least.]

Your -- Your bird thing. It took something of mine.

NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

Kiri | Critical Role

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Shutendouji // Yoroiden Samurai Troopers

Karako Pierot | Hiveswap Friendsim (it's just Homestuck, folks)

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network

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i love u buddy