[In some ways he does know Claude is right. There's so much going on, being overwhelmed is understandable. He'd expect nothing less of someone else in his position and would be more than happy to support them.
But that doesn't make it any easier to accept his own spiraling thoughts as being in any way reasonable.
I'm not the one you feel like you're letting down here, am I? Perhaps... perhaps not, logically. Still it's been so long and he's just so grateful to have Claude here with him that he can't help feeling like every little hiccup is going to finally break the other man's seemingly endless patience with him. Surely there must be a tipping point that his failings will make Claude give up on him once and for all.
Maybe he'd already reached it. Maybe that was why Claude had never come-
He frowns hard, shaking his head, lip still trembling and eyes damp. No, he knows that's not true however many times he'd wondered when things were at their darkest... when he'd thought Father would get tired of his endless resistance and simply give him over to them.]
I'm- [Stop it. He's not some fragile damsel in distress that needed Claude to come rescue him and continuing to apologize for being bothersome is only going to grow tiresome and that's precisely what he's trying to avoid. He lets out a shaky breath and when Claude touches his wrist he finds himself clinging to his hand before he can stop himself.
Something he immediately remedies, releasing the hold he has on his friend and rolling his eyes at himself, huffing out an irritated breath so that he can do his best to act as normal as possible.] Must you really be so clever now of all times?
[You can't just call him out like this Claude, his heart can't take it.]
Dinner... would be nice. And I will do my best to remain presentable this time.
[A weak, half-hearted smile. A subtle reminder that perhaps eating in public would be even more embarrassing because of... everything weighing on him right now. Even if he does tug his jacket tighter around him as if he can simply deny the suggestion that he hasn't been eating if he somehow blocks Claude from seeing how much space there really is in what was a perfectly fitted suit.]
no subject
But that doesn't make it any easier to accept his own spiraling thoughts as being in any way reasonable.
I'm not the one you feel like you're letting down here, am I? Perhaps... perhaps not, logically. Still it's been so long and he's just so grateful to have Claude here with him that he can't help feeling like every little hiccup is going to finally break the other man's seemingly endless patience with him. Surely there must be a tipping point that his failings will make Claude give up on him once and for all.
Maybe he'd already reached it. Maybe that was why Claude had never come-
He frowns hard, shaking his head, lip still trembling and eyes damp. No, he knows that's not true however many times he'd wondered when things were at their darkest... when he'd thought Father would get tired of his endless resistance and simply give him over to them.]
I'm- [Stop it. He's not some fragile damsel in distress that needed Claude to come rescue him and continuing to apologize for being bothersome is only going to grow tiresome and that's precisely what he's trying to avoid. He lets out a shaky breath and when Claude touches his wrist he finds himself clinging to his hand before he can stop himself.
Something he immediately remedies, releasing the hold he has on his friend and rolling his eyes at himself, huffing out an irritated breath so that he can do his best to act as normal as possible.] Must you really be so clever now of all times?
[You can't just call him out like this Claude, his heart can't take it.]
Dinner... would be nice. And I will do my best to remain presentable this time.
[A weak, half-hearted smile. A subtle reminder that perhaps eating in public would be even more embarrassing because of... everything weighing on him right now. Even if he does tug his jacket tighter around him as if he can simply deny the suggestion that he hasn't been eating if he somehow blocks Claude from seeing how much space there really is in what was a perfectly fitted suit.]