ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER-DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

[Roll for Initiative suckahs!]

"HEY! Hey you with the butt where your face should be!"

There's a 13 year old girl yelling at you and running towards you holding a voltorb over her head. You should probably do something about that.

"Our eyes met facebutt! So throwdown or get mowed down!!"

You only get a couple seconds to act before she throws the Voltorb at you! Better think fast!

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[Old habits die hard.]

The Johto region is known for many things, one of which being a reasonably low cost of living. This allows for trainers to live off their battles and the occasional odd job without much difficulty.

In theory no one should have to be digging through the dumpster and yet...there's a pair of gangly legs with knobby knees and untied sneakers sticking out of a dumpster while an exasperated Lopunny holds open a grocery bag for whatever is thrown out of the dumpster.

"Those fools tellin' me we don't need guns are gonna be BEGGIN' me for some Tiny Tina originals once The Handsome sorcerer reveals his true intentions! We have to be ready squire or he'll murder our faces!"

The Lopunny grabs at her own face looking worried about it's safety and due to this misses catching a large remote control that's been thrown from the dumpster. It clatters on the sidewalk at your feet as you pass by. If you hadn't noticed the dumpster diver before you will now.

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[I don't brew the Tea I just serve it.]

Congratulations! You have been invited to a tea party at the behest of Lady Tina of Blowupyourfaceheim.

The date is set, the location is a shop in Ecruteak city...is she even allowed to host parties in someone else's shop? Well only one way to find out! Best dress smartly or the hostess might eject you rather violently.

When you arrive at the SerenTea Shop, Tina is waiting for you at the door bouncing on the balls of her sneakers. Somewhere she got her hands on a Kimono but she had no idea how to tie it so she's wearing it tied around her shoulders like a cape. She's also sporting a cute flower crown and at her side looking rather sharp in his bowtie is a Pignite.

"Greetings and Salutations!" Tina calls in a over the top flowery aristocratic accent to get you to hurry along.

It's time to feed the world's sweetest Muk, and Krieg has just approached the narrow alley entrance to one of the best dives in town when a discarded remote control is flung forth from the shadows to clatter at his feet.

He sees the shadowy shape of the Lopunny within and assumes what he always assumes when there's garbage flying - those dratted trash panda Zigzagoons are after the choicest spoils again!

So he does what he always does when he encounters those particular pests: charge in hard and fast, Slag Stack on his heels, while yelling at the top of his lungs.

"YOU BETTER CLEAR OUT BEFORE I BRING THE FACE PAIN!!!"

"Psychos!!!"

Tina doesn't immediately put the ranting voice to the Vault Hunter she'd grown so fond of. Instead she starts flinging trash wildly to slow him down as she scrambles for the edge of the dumpster.

Lopunny on the other hand lets out a panicked squeal and drops the bag of collected scrap so she can use bounce and go sailing into the sky.

"I'll eat your face and barf it back on!!!" Tina adds reaching the edge of the dumpster and hoisting herself up into view.

Edited 2019-01-25 23:56 (UTC)

The voice yelling back at him from the dumpster is familiar, and for a second he thinks it must be his little buddy Wrath, but the timbre is off and also he's pretty sure Wrath's never yelled something so Pandoran at him before.

He ignores the flying Lopunny for the time being (probably to his detriment in a moment or so, let's be real). Then, when the owner of that voice pops up and it's Tina, he stops moving forward super abruptly in surprise and delight. Slag Stack, who hadn't been expecting his trainer to stop so suddenly, slams into his legs and then just oozes around them, like an ocean wave of purple sludge.

"You're gonna need a ladder and a fork, Shortcake!"

Then he's wading forward through the ooze, because he's got to get her out of that dumpster so he can give her a hug!

"Wha wha whaaaaaat? Vault Hunter?!" Tina had somehow missed that she wasn't the only one from Pandora here and launched herself from the lip of the dumpster arms spread to tackle hug Krieg...

...but at the same moment, the Lopunny came crashing down ontop of all three of them. Thankfully Slag Stack formed a sort of smelly cushion.

"Vault Hunter I'm dying!!! I'm Dead! Too much stank!!!! Save meeeeeee!"

Slag Stack is the best smelly cushion - he takes the sudden forceful application of his trainer, a small human, and a Lopunny in stride, softening his sludgy body to accommodate them all.

PfmahahAHAHAHAH! Too late, Shortcake! It's butts and slag for life!!

He says this, but he is also fairly quick to sort all of his various limbs out from hers and the Lopunny's, and begin the extraction process. Slag Stack helps, and it's not long at all before Krieg is standing tall, holding Tina up in the air reverse Lion King Style, one hand under each of her arms so he can grin a hidden grin directly at her face.

When did you get here!?

"Pfft, foo' I been here for like a month where have you been? How is a girl supposed to get any work done when her best Vault Hunters aren't even all together huh?"

Because that was totally his fault. Still she puts her hands on either side of his face affectionately smacking his mask's cheeks.

"Better late then never I guess! Especially if it's you! I haven't blown anything up since I got here and I gots a need!"

One could practically see the mission objectives popping up already.

"I've been here for years! You should'a called me!"

He's still grinning like a happy loon, and when she pats the cheeks of his mask, his grin gets even wider. He pulls her in for a quick hug before setting her back on her feet - on a clear portion of ground, where Slag Stack won't get anything on her shoes.

~~Her shoes that she wore to dumpster dive, but, details.~~

"What's the gig, boss?"

It's been ages since he had a good mission, lost-and-found shenanigans with various pokemon notwithstanding. It's been ages since he's blown anything up, too. Well, anything not Pokemon-related. The Spark Ball is a good exploder - a true champ - but he always feels bad because it only takes one Explosion to knock the big guy out, so he doesn't egg it on like he might if the consequences weren't as severe.

"A'ite a'ite I'll take that. My bad meat man. But you no you're my main meat treat!"

The Lopunny is picking bits of slag stack out of her fur looking exasperated while Tiny roughly grabs Krieg's face and turns it to look at Lopunny who recoils a bit from his one intense eye.

"Mushy Snugglebites this is the Vault Hunter! He's on our side so if you need anything he'll do it if you pay him! Sometimes if he's really good we give him weapons!" Tiny instructed and then pouted "Or at least we used to...what's all this crap about no weapons man?"

He allows Tina to manipulate his head and neck with no resistance, more than used to this sort of behavior from her. His one intense eye is only curious in regards to the Lopunny, though it's doubtful the poor creature will perceive that. If she lets go of his face he'll straighten back up, but if she hangs on, he'll just stay hunched over while he answers her question.

"The monsters are the weapons, Half-Pint. We gotta get you a Spark Ball and a Mischief Ghost!"

....Only Krieg would look at a Voltorb and a Gastly and think, Ah, yes, nothing could go wrong if Tina had those!

"Well I mean they ARE pretty awesome lookin'! I even got one that blows itself up and doesn't die! Kinda like you actually."

Tina releases his head and hops down to the ground stumbling on her landing and straightening up with a pokeball in hand.

"Get out here Miguel!" And from her pokeball and rather large voltorb lands with a thud looking around before letting his eyes settle on Krieg and lunging for him thinking it was time to fight. Snugglebites thankfully anticipated this and picks him up holding him overhead while he spins helplessly.

"Heh heh heh, he's a frisky one." She snickered wickedly.

"MnahahahAHAHAH! You DO have a Spark Ball!"

Krieg isn't even the tiniest bit bothered that the Voltorb was about to lunge at him. That's exactly the behavior he expects from those round assholes, thanks to a long and mutually beneficial association with his own Spark Ball.

Slag Stack is a little more concerned than its trainer, and oozes forward through and around his legs until its whole, enormous sludge body is totally in front of Krieg, creating a stinky barrier between its trainer and the aggressive Voltorb and the small maniacal girl.

"What else you got?" Krieg reaches down to pet Slag Stack, now that it's in front of him, which soothes the purple creature somewhat. It belches out a quiet cry of "Muuuuuk!", pleased as always with the affection, but keeps its droopy eyes fixed squarely on Miguel. Just try something, buddy.

"OHHH! Hell yeah! Miguel was my first boi! and he's such a round boi isn't he?"

Miguel gives up his useless spinning and sends a blast of electricity through Tina making her squeal at first in pain but then laughter.

"BWHAHAHA! Tickles! Stop it you jerk I'm tryin' to be badass!!!"

She fell to her rump dropping Miguel who rolled into Slagstack with a splat!

"And of course you already met Mushy Snugglebites~ We've also got THESE GUYS!"

Reaching into her bag she produced a third and forth pokeball, the first popping open to reveal a shockingly well groomed and clean looking Growlith and a Fletchling who immediately lit on Tina's head which...to be fair her hair often resembled a birds nest made out of a psycho's mask.

"This is Enrique the second, and THE FIREHAWK! " With the second name she screeched it like a inside joke for just her and the Vault Hunter.

Slag Stack has a teammate who's an Electrode, but other than the fact that the two share a trainer, they don't really spend much time together. So when Miguel rolls into him with a SPLAT, he is entirely nonplussed. What...what does he do with this? Besides push it away again, which he does with a wet-sounding SCHLORP!

Apparently that's the noise a Voltorb makes when it's separated from a Muk.

Krieg doesn't really pay much attention to this, because his eye is on Tina, and on all the good good monsters Tina is showing him. He's seen Growlithes before - Bert has one that has long since evolved into a giant fluff beast, but he's never seen the small orange-headed bird.

Or, at least, if he has seen one, he hasn't paid attention.

Until now.

"FIREHAWK BEST HAWK!"

That tiny little birb looks nothing like a hawk, but that doesn't deter Krieg. With a name like that, it's bound to be a badass. And he says as much. "I bet it grows into a BADASS!"

"Hell yeah it will! Especially with me as it's coach, mentor, Mama and Bunker Master baybee!" Tina declared hauling herself off the ground while Firehawk sneezed sending out a burst of ember towards Krieg. Tina barely batted an eyelash since she'd seen this Vault Hunter in particular light himself on fire more then once and be fine.

Mushy Snugglebites was busy rolling Miguel away from Slag Stack apologizing profusely while Miguel tried to make some rude faces to antagonize the blobby pokemon. Meanwhile Enrique sniffed the air, looked dismayed and moved towards the entrance of the alleyway.

"But Vault Hunter fo real? Fo realz. #Realtalk? It has been so...so long since I blew something up. These guys do they best but it's NOTHING. Nothing like a good Torgue weapon or some missiles! Where's the Earth Shattering Kaboom man!?"

Krieg doesn't bat an eye at the little sneezed embers, either. His days of self-immolating at will seem to be over, but that doesn't mean he's developed anything like respect or fear for fire. A tiny baby pokemon sneeze isn't even anything to acknowledge, honestly.

Slag Stack ignores Miguel in favor of responding to M. Snugglebites - clearly of the two she is the one worth speaking with. It really is no problem, please don't worry about it, he knows so many Voltorbs and also way too many Electrodes and they're all just Like That...

Krieg listens solemnly to Tina's complaint, and is quiet for a few moments after she finishes.

Processing...

Processing...

....Ding!

"Mnng. If you wanna build one I can help you get the stuff."

Krieg no.

~~Krieg yes.~~

"YES! Yes yes yes! That's what I'm talkin' bout! See? This is why we LOVE Vault Hunters!"

She wrapped her arms around Krieg to give him a proper strangling hug before dropping back to the ground and making a list on her pokegear.

"It might be harder for you to do since we don't have the same tech back home but you're like the third smartest vault hunter I know so you'll figure it out!"

The list consisted of a lot of household chemicals, things that could be used for cleaning most of the time or in the wrong hands a jury rigged explosive. She's also listed soda and minty candy and crackling candy rocks as bonus items for extra points.

"I'll even let you pick what we get to blow up!"

She'll even let him pick???

~~Boy oh boy Handsome Jack sure is in for a nasty surprise soon 8)~~

"You're the best, Short Stuff!" He sidles over so he can peer over her shoulder at the list as it is formed. He makes note of the snacks section in particular, and pipes up with a suggestion.

"Don't forget popcorn! After it explodes I wanna watch it burn!"

"Wha--?!"

Facebutt? Facebutt?? Now that's just straight up rude with a capital R!

It's something Demyx is even about to say as he turns to look, but then he sees that Voltorb and freezes. Is that-- No way. No way, man. He sees it, and then it's coming right for his head...

Or it was, up until his Wobbuffet picked the perfect (worst) time to poke its head up with a cheerful blorping noise.

When the Voltorb makes contact, the Wobbuffet makes another blorp, teeters forward, and slowly wobbles back upright. Look! He's fine! And there's a new round, angry-looking friend! Hello, friend!

"Dude! You just hit Jimmy Wobbuffet!"

The Voltorb seems shocked at how easily they were repelled. In fact if it weren't for how surprised they were they might have exploded. Instead they spin backwards through the air and Tina has to duck to avoid getting smacked by her own pokemon.

"What the hell dude!? That's not how you battle! Pokemon are supposed to be like guns not shields! What's the matter you not thug enough to get your hands dirty? Don't wanna risk singeing that pretty hair of yours? I mean...I can't blame you it's totally fab dog but still...wuss."

All that babbling gave Tina's voltorb time to roll back over to her looking ready to try this again.

"Throwing things at people isn't how you fight either, man! B-Besides, I don't do that sort of stuff! It's not my thing!"

Except when it benefits him, but shhhhh. That's very far and in between. Besides, fighting means sweating, and sweat is gross. Like, super gross. And it usually ends up with some nasty bruises!

...Mostly to him instead of his Pokemon. "And he's not a fighter either! I swear! I don't have anything that can fight!"

"Pfft what are you talkin' about fool? Throwing explosives is like combat 101! Unless you have something you can launch em from!"

The Voltorb seemed to agree with her the way it's eyes smiled and it rocked back and forth eager to resume it's battle with this unwilling opponent.

"Anyway you gotta fight here! How else you gonna make money or protect yourself? It's like...the quickest way to get stronger!" She clambered ontop of the Voltorb and struck a dramatic pose pointing her finger right between the other human's eyes.

"You wanna die or what?"

NOVEMBER-DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

Tiny Tina // Borderlands

Old habits Best habits

I mean Tina is kind of a trash panda?

Tina and half the vault hunters tbh

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lmao wow I sure did totally forget about quotation marks, huh

The important things go across just fine.

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a million apologies for falling down so hard on this ;w;

No worries. Slowly but surely we will get her in this game.

<3

Re: <3

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ROLLS INITIATIVE..... rolls a 1

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