ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

[Sylvain is following his usual routine. In the morning he works in the vineyards. When he's off in the early afternoon, he takes a bath (shower, he often has to correct -- he's not used to that), before laying down in his room to browse the network. There are a lot of faces to get to know, never mind keeping an eye out for familiar ones.

This, though. This is something he doesn't expect. He knows the voice as soon as it speaks, has had a similar tongue lashing directed at himself time and time again. For a moment, his mouth goes dry. His heart forgets to beat.

It really hadn't been long since he'd seen Felix. He'd gone to sleep the night before they were due to arrive at the monastery for the millennium festival, and then he had been here. But being worlds away from his allies, especially during war, had put him on edge.

Who could say what was happening while he was away.

At least now he didn't have to guess.]

Felix? Hey -- Felix, can you hear me? [He pauses a moment.] Also, try not to freak out when you figure out it is me talking, okay? I know it's weird, but I promise I can explain.

[Felix almost drops the thing, whatever it is. He peers at it suspiciously, narrowing his eyes like he might try breaking it in half if it tries anything funny.]

Sylvain? ...ugh, I should have known this was your fault, somehow. What is this, some kind of magic or something? Where am I, and why have I been disarmed?

[Last he saw Sylvain, they were all celebrating their victory in Fhirdiad by moonlight, just last night. Even Felix had to admit that he felt...a little more relaxed than he had in over five years. The hour had gotten late and he'd been the first to call it a night, figuring Sylvain would probably be up for a while and not wanting to have to babysit him when he inevitably got a little too tipsy or pissed off some woman or something.]

[It won't take long for Felix to get to meet the owner of that pig. As the two of them chase after Felix's Purrloin, there's the sound of rustling in the nearby woods, and then a blur of blue and black suddenly bursts out from the trees and in front of the Purrloin.]

[Don't ask what Dimitri was doing in the woods. Just accept his existence suddenly There as he glowers at the small cat.]

Dean-

[And there's a pause as his brain belatedly realizes, oh, hey, he knows that guy behind his pig]

[For roughly the dozenth time this morning, Felix really wishes he had his sword, as something huge and powerful crashes out of the trees. Fortunately, the cat scrabbles to a stop at the sight of it, distracted enough to drop whatever it was carrying in its mouth. Felix skids to a halt too, hand straying briefly to the hilt he doesn't have.]

Hey, watch where you're--

[Wait.]

...Dimitri??

[Felix looks over him in vague shock. He's...wearing his older armor, for some reason, and what the hell was he doing in the woods, anyway? Knowing the prince, probably best not to ask.]

Start talking. Now. What did you do? Where are we? Why do you have a pig that runs like a...weird...toddler? What. Is. Happening.

[The cat takes the opportunity to retreat, slipping back behind Felix only to clamber its way up his cloak to drape itself over his shoulder, yawning lazily like nothing's wrong.]

[Oh, Claude recognizes the guy who's suddenly appeared on the screen! He goes in an instant from "amused spectator to someone else's predicament" - hey, only a couple weeks ago, he'd been the one on the receiving end of pokémon shenanigans, it's nice to be on the other side now - to "shit, I need to turn my screen on". A moment of fumbling with his Gear later, and his charming smile is on Felix's screen.]

Hey, Felix! Small world, isn't it? Unfamiliar as it might be.

[Felix's frown doesn't go away, it just shifts a little from complete confusion to vague suspicion.]

Riegan...? How are you doing this? Was that letter you sent us some kind of stupid trick, so you could...I don't even know what this is. I didn't know you knew any magic, either. Tell me what's going on, before I tell the boar to leave you and your army to the wolves.

[You know, if he had any idea where Dimitri was. Or anyone else, for that matter.]

[Well, it wouldn't be Felix if he wasn't being yelled at almost immediately. Dimitri takes it all in shock, blinking as he just... adjusts to Felix actually being there.]

[The guilt will come crashing down soon enough again, but for now...]

I... am not the one directly responsible for us being here.

[Dimitri is of the personal opinion that his terrible Everything is why they're here, but, that's neither here nor there.]

The pig did not used to walk on two legs.

[...Clearly that was the important thing to establish here. Still, Dimitri seems to be adjusting to the barrage of questions. If Felix looks carefully, he'll likely spot those dark bags under Dimitri's eyes... almost matching with his "old" armor.]

Whoa -- what makes you think this was my doing [While it certainly was in Sylvain's character to cause trouble, he has no idea where he'd even begin to get involved in something like this. Stunned as he is, he can't help the nervous titter of laughter that escapes him.]

From what I understand, we are in a place called Johto. Or maybe Kanto, I suppose it depends on which way you went. Most of us ended up without weapons from what I understand, I had to pick up a stick to fend these creatures off.

[Such were the woes of having a "useless" Pokemon, he had found. There wasn't much else he could do against the wild creatures out in the world.]

It's uh. I think you will find that that it's pretty safe here. No need for weapons. Though I did find a pretty cool sword creature, for what it's worth.

[Oho. Jaskier may be subtle, but Claude is usually good at reading people - his survival's depended on it on more than one occasion, in fact - and something about the way the man looks him over is just quietly different from the way he's been surveying Claude so far. He's not just being idly viewed anymore; he's being assessed. And not a hostile assessment, either.

Claude's grin widens a fraction, and he shifts his own posture as well - to something more casual, more languid, a lean to the side with his chin propped on one open hand, fingers laying along his cheek.] I admit, I'm actually more accustomed to greedy grabs for power than simply for coin...but perhaps that's because I tend to find myself in circles where the nobility are already well-established in material wealth. Oh, sure, the basest ones will never turn down more coin for their coffers, but in general they can afford to play for higher stakes. But I do follow you. The plotters who value power over people...

[He blinks at the realization that he forgot to introduce himself.] Did I really forget that? [He laughs.] Sorry, sorry! You introduced yourself, and I was too distracted to reciprocate. The name's Claude, and it really doesn't need any more dressing up than that.

[The Toxel frees up one leg to do a little open-close wave with its hand. He confirms that Claude is comfortable, and how he even lets Sturm climb him now that he's gotten better at controlling his poison. He's also quite happy to have been named! Sturm sounds cool; he likes it.]

Our everyday wildlife back home isn't often too dangerous, but as someone who's definitely seen things that really can be called monsters...yeah, I agree I wouldn't compare any of these little guys to that. [Claude chuckles, lifting a hand to idly rub Sturm's head. Sturm closes his eyes and leans into it; given the resting expression of Toxels, it's a little hard to tell, but it seems to be a blissful reaction.] But it seems like they vary a lot, so maybe some are more monstrous than others...although really, when people talk about these guys, they don't seem as though they think of being a monster as a bad thing here. So maybe there's less negative meaning behind the word here than where we come from, respectively.

Directly responsible? What's that supposed to mean?

[Felix frowns. Something isn't right. He hasn't seen Dimitri like this in a while. Not since...well. Since before.]

...you look terrible. [It's not unkind, for Felix, at least. He sounds concerned.] What could possibly have happened to you in a single night?

[He glances down at the pig, frown not budging an inch, but he dismisses it immediately as unimportant, deciding he does not actually care why it's walking like that.]

Oh, I wish I could take credit for any of this, but believe me, this place and how things work here are just as confusing to me as to you. [A beat.] Well, less confusing now, but that's because I've been here a little while by this point, so I've had the time to figure out some things. But when I first got here, I was every bit as confused as you are now.

[He props his head up on one hand.] I don't mind explaining, if you can be patient for two minutes together. I know that's going to be a challenge for you. But seriously - cool down a little, okay? I promise getting mad at me or anything else won't make the next few minutes go any better than they're already going to, so you might as well save the energy.

Don't give me that. [He's grumbling.] Nine times out of ten, this kind of thing is your doing, and you know it.

[Felix sighs and listens when Sylvain starts explaining, although it doesn't actually explain very much.]

You've had to fend off creatures? You mean, like...demonic beasts? Then obviously, there is a need for weapons. [He shakes his head.] Wait, just tell me where you are. I'll come to you.

[If he's going to be stuck somewhere unknown with a cat, no weapons, and a town full of strangers, at least he'll get to have Sylvain by his side. Just like always. The thought makes the whole situation feel less dire.]

[Felix scowls. Claude and his stupid smug face...and his stupid way of being right all the time...ugh. Infuriating.]

Fine. Talk. You're saying you're not somehow talking to me from Derdriu?

[And then, he can't help a smirk.]

Wish I could have been there to see your face when you first got here, then. The chance to see the so-called 'Master Tactician' out of his depth? I'd pay to see that.

[Dimitri almost answers right away - that it's his fault for being a terrible leader that they're all dead - when it occurs to him just in time... that Felix is likely to get into an argument with him on if they're dead or not. He might be exactly like Claude in that respect.]

[...Actually, no. It's Felix. He'll be even worse than Claude.]

[But then Felix says something even more baffling, and Dimitri frowns, brows furrowed.]

I... do not know the difference of time between the afterlife and the world of the living, but, for me... It has been some months since I last saw Fodlan soil, Felix.

Derdriu? Oh, is that the last thing you remember? [Claude looks momentarily surprised, straightening up for a moment.] Dimitri and Sylvain are here, too, and...well, let's just say that our memories all seem to cut out at different points in time. I think their memories cut off sometime before the battle at Gronder Field...I'm a month or so out from the battle at Derdriu. Not sure where you fall on that spectrum. And before you ask, no, I'm afraid I can't explain...any of that. [He waves a hand vaguely to sort of...indicate that whole mess.] All I can do as far as that goes is let you know how the ground lies.

As for here, I can give you a bit more to go on. [He leans on his hand again.] Through a process that no one seems to know much about - magical or otherwise - we seem to have wound up somewhere that isn't Fodlan, or maybe not even on the same planet as Fodlan. There's no magic like we know it here, for instance. And these little animals called pokémon - they seem to have replaced what we'd recognize as our local fauna back home. They're also generally a lot smarter than normal animals, maybe even as intelligent as people in some cases.

Everyone wakes up with that strange woman who acts as though she's your mother, and then gets shoved out the door with some basic supplies to fend for yourself. After you get a pokémon to call your own, of course. I guess for you, that's the cute little cat? We also get this little device we're talking through - it's called a PokéGear. It can do incredible things, like letting you talk to someone who's miles away from you as though you're right in front of them! That's what we're doing now. If you just got here, I doubt we're even close to being in the same city.

I know that's a lot to digest, and it all sounds ridiculous. But you've seen some of it for yourself already, and I think you know I've got no reason to lie to you about this stuff, so I hope you can get over the kneejerk 'you're messing with me, Riegan' response.

Is that what you think this is? The afterlife? Don't be absurd.

[If anything, Felix only looks more concerned now. He sighs, frustrated, his tone hardening just a little.]

I thought we were past this, Dimitri. This...obsession with the dead. You said you would focus on the living from now on. Was that just wishful thinking?

[With Dimitri talking like this, Felix isn't sure what to make of this claim.]

And I don't know what you're talking about. I was with you just last night, in Fhirdiad. You don't remember that?

I. Waking up Rocket
In the vast and varied multiverse, there's probably someone who would take well to waking up in a strange room, alone and unarmed, to a vaguely threatening message. Beauregard Lionett is decidedly not that person. She scans the message twice, then sets about methodically searching the room - making no effort whatsoever to make it look like it hasn't been thoroughly tossed - for anything that looks like it might come in handy, or be slightly more informative than the name of an organization she's never even heard of before. She's about halfway through when she hears footsteps approaching, then slowing to a stop outside the door.

All things considered, there's really only one course of action to take. She presses herself up against the wall next to the door, ready to spring as soon as it opens so that she can hit the person on the other side hard and fast, and get them pinned before they have time to call for backup.

This is clearly a flawless plan that will go off without a hitch, and will not come back to bite her in the ass later.

II. Assignment Angst
Initially, Beau'd been eager to get done with training. It's been less tedious than she'd expected, and far more useful - sure, she's nimble and had some idea of how to pick a lock or a pocket before, but there's a vast gulf between teaching herself how to jimmy open the door to her father's and even a whirlwind crash course from someone who actually knows what they're doing, and that messaging device is incredibly handy - and despite the warning grumbles of some of the other grunts, the trainers have nothing on Dairon. But staying cooped up in a basement makes her antsy, and she's ready to see this strange (really, really strange) new world for herself, without the filter of the Rocket agenda.

Unfortunately, she's reckoned without the fact that being released from training means having to deal with missions, which means...

Well, right now, it means the elf costume she's glaring at as though it had just thrown up on her shoes. "You've got to be joking."

III. E in Elfing
They were not joking. And so, on this chilly December afternoon, there is the world's surliest elf, dressed in a scratchy costume and uncomfortable fake ears, managing the line for a (slightly pained-looking) Santa in the middle of an overly-warm mall in Goldenrod. Which currently entails trying to break up a tussle between two children whose parents have decided that said line is a great place to dump their kids while they go for coffee. Which would be fine if the kids hadn't decided to be mortal enemies today, which apparently involves biting.

Which is why the aforementioned surly elf is crouched down physically separating the children, engaged in warning them about the horrifying, icy spectre who creeps out of the forest on the winter solstice and into the bedrooms of naughty children, and takes them in her bloody, frozen talons...

Someone please ~~help her~~ stop this.

[Felix sits down at the little desk and listens to all of this with a vaguely disbelieving frown, while the cat jumps up onto the desk and keeps trying to sit directly on top of the device until eventually Felix just picks it up and deposits it in his lap, where it curls up and mutters 'purr, purr' like a smug little jerk. Just before Claude finishes, he opens his mouth to say something along the lines of 'you're messing with me, Riegan'...and then snaps it shut again.]

...you're right, it does all sound ridiculous. But let's say, for the sake of my sanity, that I believe it. You have a plan to get us all back to Fodlan, right? [Claude always has a plan, for better or worse.] How do I contact Sylvain and Dimitri?

Ah!

[And that's a book being stolen from a small, delicate-looking boy, who immediately gets up to run after Purrloin.]

... Get back here, ya little--!

[There's also an... apple(?) bouncing along after the boy as he runs.]

Come on. I might be able to understand some of Annette's formulas, but do you really think I could magic us away from home?

[He makes a face. Far be it from him to undersell his talents. Then again, he can't help but wonder if Felix might come around if he did try to do so. Felix always seemed so quick to contradict him.

But they've already moved on, and Sylvain quickly finds himself shaking his head.]

Not like that, Fe. Think... more like the cats and dogs around the monastery. But bigger sometimes, and weirder shapes. Mostly harmless, but catch them in their territory and they might do some damage.

[Still, he does find himself smiling.] Don't worry about me. I can get to you quicker than you could get to me. Are you still in New Bark Town?

Fine, fine, send him to get the new person, fine, Jules isn't annoyed or anything. No, of course not. It's not like he was busy or anything. Rust, his Scrafty, is trailing along behind him as he sighs and knocks on the door because he's polite like that and honestly suspects nothing. "Hey, you okay in there?" Because they'd been in there a while, right? He has not opened the door.

He will also suddenly sound distracted, and there's a sort of hushed, "Where did you get that?!" and "Get that out of your mouth!" directed at the Scrafty, which probably helps with the first impression.

I wish I did. But I've only been here a week or two, you know. There's still a lot to learn before I could even start formulating a plan...and, that said, I'm not actually sure I'd have any luck making one even if I'd been here for years. [Claude shakes his head.] Some people have been here for years, without being able to get home again.

That said, I've got two reassuring facts for you. One is that people do get to go home sometimes - either briefly, or permanently returning. It seems to be at the discretion of whatever managed to bring us here, though, not us. So I guess if you're asking when we'll get to go back home, the answer is more "in due time" than "who knows". But it also means that my not having a plan doesn't mean we're stuck here forever. [He grins.] Although I am flattered that when you find yourself at a loss, you rely on me figuring out a way to get us out of this mess.

The second reassuring fact is a tidbit that those who've gone home temporarily have passed on to those of us here - apparently, when we go home, we return back to the same moment when we left, no matter how much time actually passes for us while we're here. So it's not like the war's raging on in Fodlan without us while we're here, or any of our friends are wondering where we've up and vanished to. So that's one less major concern.

As for contacting Dimitri and Sylvain...well, we're all traveling together right now, for obvious reasons, so I could in theory go get them for you. But frankly, since you've accidentally stumbled onto a way to broadcast yourself publicly, they may spot you first and contact you on their own devices. Either way, I'm sure you'll be able to see them soon enough.

[He clears his throat.] Although...you did catch what I said about Dimitri not even remembering as far as the battle at Gronder, right? I hope you remember what that means for his mental state. It's, ah...delicate would be the tactful term, I guess.

Is he talking to his dog? Do these people bring their dogs to threaten prisoners? That might suck - she doesn't particularly want to punch a dog, and also: teeth. So many teeth. A quick review of her plan, such as it is, fails to turn up any better options, however, and so she stays where she is, pressed up against the wall, completely silent. If the guy's supposed to check on her or interrogate her or whatever, he's going to have to come in sooner or later.

Well, she's completely silent. The mattress she'd tipped up to inspect the bedframe tilts, slowly at first, then crashes back into place with a loud thud. That's probably not all that reassuring.

[Dimitri's confusion is only growing, frustration starting to bubble up alongside it. This...]

...Exactly like Sylvain...

[It's a mutter to himself, even as Dean the Pignite trots over to keep a careful eye on him. Despite being a pig, there's clear concern on his little face too.]

He acted surprise to even see me alive... And now you, speaking of a city still clutched in the hands of that snake, of promises I would never dare to make.

[One of them is wrong here, and... Dimitri doesn't want to believe that it's him. He can barely trust what is right in front of his eyes as it is. If he's wrong here, then what else...]

[No. Absolutely not. He clenches one fist in front of his stomach, aggravation prickling at the back of his neck.]

We were at Gronder... Or preparing to be there.

No, but I think you could easily get on someone's nerves who could. [Felix is apparently calming down a little, because now he's smirking.]

I see. Wild animals, then. I still wouldn't say no to a bow for hunting them, but I'm sure the two of us can figure something out. [He nods.] Apparently so. I'll wait here. With this...obnoxious beast. [He glances over to the cat, who paws at the image of Sylvain's bright red hair on the screen and then sits on it.]

NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

hello! (and sorry for the wall of text)

hi! no worries, I love walls of text XD

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Beauregard Lionett | Critical Role | Rocket

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