ohmyarceus | JULY - AUGUST TEST DRIVE MEME

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JULY - AUGUST TEST DRIVE MEME

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Really, did Felix expect anything less?

Dedue walks inside once Felix vacates the doorway, looking around at the room that he's just entered. The most obvious thing about it is that it's a very lived-in space, with traces of various inhabitants laying around. There are plenty of these strange beasts wandering about, as well-- Pokémon, he's learned they're called-- and many of them are noticeably cat-like. This makes sense, for creatures that belong to Felix, as like tends to attract like. Dedue catches glimpses of the pictures in their frames on a few surfaces, familiar faces looking out but set in unfamiliar locations.

Felix, with a musical instrument.

Had Felix anything even resembling manners, he should have at least offered him a seat, or to put on a pot of tea, or any number of minor niceties. Since it's Felix, though, Dedue expects none of this, and is aware that if he wants anything, he'll have to state it directly.

"May I sit?"

Felix could deny him, in which case Dedue would be completely willing to loom over him like a fucking gargoyle until Dimitri returns, however long that ends up being.

Felix did not expect anything less, but that doesn't mean he won't grumble about it anyway.

"What do you think all these chairs are here for?" He gestures, as though Dedue should somehow have known that Felix was fine with him sitting down, or as though guests had no reason to ask such questions. He waits until Dedue is seated before he sits back down himself, beside the guitar this time. His Sylveon immediately leaps up from the floor to his lap to receive idle pets.

He has questions, but he's not really sure how much he cares about the answers, and talking to Dedue is not his favorite pastime. Eventually, he goes with, "How did you know where to find us? We didn't have this place last time you were here."

Dedue chooses a seat at a comfortable distance away from Felix, facing him so that whatever limited amount of conversation that they have is not as awkward as it could be. For a minute or two while Felix settles himself back down again near his instrument and his large, oddly-colored cat lounges with him, Dedue observes his surroundings again. His attention is taken for a bit by a picture on the coffee table, one with Felix and Sylvain in it-- they are both dressed in what appears to be formal attire, and Sylvain grins broadly, happily.

He turns his head back towards Felix when he starts speaking again. The question is a fair one, he supposes, but the comment after it is... odd.

"His Highness' presence on the network was easy enough to discover," he says. "And there is a strange group of people who are very knowledgeable about your whereabouts."

It's not being a stalker if Dedue is doing it to find His Highness, okay. But he's probably going to need an explanation at some point for why that whole fan club thing exists.

"But what you do mean by last time?"

Felix sees Dedue eyeing the wedding photo on the table - one of many that Sylvain insists on displaying in the house, which Felix is secretly happy about but also a little mortified by - and his chin lifts just a little, as though daring Dedue to say something about it.

He doesn't, though, and what he says instead just raises more questions. Felix's eyes narrow. "What strange group of people?"

Then he groans quietly, pinching the bridge of his nose briefly. "Don't tell me. You don't remember ever being here before. That explains why you didn't just send him a message, I suppose. Although if you followed the network well enough to stalk us, it's a wonder you didn't figure out texting as well."

Not, Felix supposes, that Dimitri will care much. He'll be falling all over himself regardless, just like before. Just like he does with Byleth. Ugh.

"What's the last thing you remember from before you got here?"

"I have no memory of this place."

So, no, he doesn't remember being here before. And, really, where here even actually is is still something of an ontological mystery; they're definitely not in Fodlan anymore. All of that, however, had taken a backseat to the more pressing issue of finding Dimitri and getting to him. After all, Dedue can do nothing about the fact that he has been transported to another realm, but he can do something about whether or not he's in physical proximity to His Highness.

As for texting, well. He may have been able to figure out how to use his device to send messages, but it seemed easier just to make his way to Dimitri, rather than to have Dimitri come to him.

"We were preparing to march on Gronder Field," he replies, a simple answer for a simple question.

So this is a slightly different Dedue than the one who was here before - one who's come from a different point in time. Though again, unlike everyone else, with Dedue it hardly matters; nothing ever changes with him. He'll always just blindly follow Dimitri around and never question anything he does, whether awful or self-destructive or both, until one or the other of them dies. Sickening.

"Hmph. So you remember all the same things Dimitri does." Dimitri, not the boar. "The rest of us have come from later points in time." Felix's scowl deepens. "You haven't even seen how Gronder ends, when he was at his worst, and yet you still intend to do whatever he tells you to do, no matter how cruel it may be to himself or to others. You care about him so little as a person that you'll allow him to think the worst of himself, to be his worst self, without lifting a finger to actually help him."

...Felix didn't mean to start any of this. He never meant to talk to Dedue at all, but here they are anyway.

"Tch. Never mind. You never listen."

Dedue isn't surprised that Felix needles at him on the subject of Dimitri; he always does. But Dedue is tired after having walked for so long to get here, and he has only so much tolerance for the sandpaper abrasiveness of Felix's personality on a good day.

He calls Dimitri by name, at least, instead of by his usual insult. That is one fewer of the thousand tiny cuts that he seems intent on killing Dedue with.

"I see little point in retreading old ground," he says. "We have had this conversation before."

Though, again-- fewer insults. They have been in each others' presence for at least ten minutes now and Felix has not called him a dog even once. Perhaps Dedue should be impressed at his restraint, but it is such an abysmally low expectation of him. And, anyway, the conversation is not yet over-- there's still time for Felix to fail to meet even the lowest of expectations.

"I do not know how the battle at Gronder ends, nor the worst that is yet to come." Nor could he be expected to, as it hasn't happened yet. "I do know that no matter what the future holds, I shall remain at His Highness' side. I shall never abandon him."

Without lifting a finger to actually help him.

Where were you, Dedue could say, when Dimitri cried out from his night terrors?

Where were you, Dedue could say, when he needed to be coaxed to eat, to bathe, to sleep?

Where were you, Dedue could say, when the executioner's axe was waiting for him?

Everything that he has done has been for love of him. There is no greater insult that Felix could leverage at him than to accuse Dedue of lacking it-- of seeing Dimitri not as a man worthy of all of his loyalty and devotion when Dedue is the one who knew him to the core, both the darkness and the light of him, and accepted it.

And perhaps Dedue will not be the one who saves him, who pulls him back from the brink of his madness and frees him from the voices of the dead. But Felix did not save him either.

There are many things that Dedue could say, but he has only just arrived and he does not want to fight this battle, regardless of how Felix tries to goad him into it.

"I have no more to say to you on this matter."

Felix rubs his face with both hands, groaning quietly. This is stupid. This is so stupid. Dedue literally just got here not five minutes ago and Felix has already started in on him for no reason (or at least, not one he'll admit).

"...ugh, I didn't...you're right, there's no point in having this conversation again, I don't even know why I brought it up. You just got here, you didn't do anything to warrant an argument. Sorry."

But he doesn't want Dedue here. It's been hard enough watching Dimitri fawn all over the professor like they hung the sun in the sky. Now it'll be ten times worse. Felix really doesn't know if he can handle going back to this as their normal. What if Dedue convinces Dimitri that being with Felix is...is a bad thing for him? Obviously, Dimitri would listen to him. He always does. And then...

And then Felix will have lost his prince all over again, for nothing.

Not that Felix intends to change anything, especially not for the sake of a man who refuses to think for himself even when it costs lives. He doesn't understand why no one else sees this. It's like being back at the academy, trying not to lose his mind when everyone kept insisting Dimitri was fine. Goddess, he can't do this again.

He wants to just leave, let Dedue sit here until someone else shows up, but... He runs his hands through his hair and sits up, glaring at the opposite wall behind Dedue's head. His tone, when he speaks, is steady.

"But let me be clear. I am Dimitri's Shield." His beloved Shield. Right?

"He has worked hard to climb out of that pit he was in. He's still working. And if you or anyone else does anything that could drag him back or harm his progress, anything at all, I will deal with it. Do you understand?"

Sure, he could mention the rest. He could mention Byleth, or Grant, or...or Rodrigue. But the last thing he wants is Dedue's pity. And Dimitri deserves the credit for clawing his way back to himself.

Dedue expects an argument any time he's within ten feet of Felix for longer than a few minutes; he would say that they fight like cats and dogs, but that feels as though it's playing into a stereotype. He does not expect to ever hear the words you're right come out of Felix's mouth in relation to him, nor did he ever think that he would receive an apology for any of Felix's various kinds of poor behavior. But, there it is. A short, curt, and somewhat begrudging apology, but an apology nonetheless. The surprise is probably visible on Dedue's face, which is rare because he emotes about as much as a particularly stoic brick.

Felix isn't done, however-- he barrels on, no longer quite looking Dedue in the face, as though doing so might somehow impede his ability to speak. He makes declarations and an ultimatum, though the latter seems an entirely unnecessary part of this conversation; Dedue's face loses whatever initial surprise it had.

By what Felix says, there has been a significant change in Dimitri's health while they have been in this new realm. A change for the better, he can assume, though this is all only conjecture unless Felix decides to share details or until he is reunited with Dimitri and can see it for himself. Dedue had not had much time with His Highness after Myrddin, but the man who he watched over those nights, who pleaded with ghosts and snarled at his friends...

"We are not enemies in this, Felix," he says. "I want His Highness to be well. Whatever is required of me to aid in his recovery, I will see it done."

Whether it is something that he needs to do or something that he must refrain from doing. The modification of his own behavior is a small price for Dimitri's health, and he would make whatever sacrifices are necessary to keep him from returning to the haunted man that he met on the Great Bridge and knew for that month before Gronder Field.

"Good."

Not that Felix expects Dedue to listen to him if, for instance, Dimitri decides to go Rocket-hunting at the next event they crash and Felix tells Dedue to stay behind so he can do what he needs to without a giant stone wall looming over them. After all, he just said he had no intention of ever leaving Dimitri's side. No doubt he would mistrust Felix's motives or think him poor company for the king, or...whatever.

But Dedue hasn't been here. He hasn't seen the way they've grown close again, wasn't there when they talked about the past and the future, forgiveness and blame, ...maybe Felix should explain. Just a little. Just enough that Dedue won't try to push him away from Dimitri.

Hopefully.

"...if you haven't yet seen the battle at Gronder Field and what follows, then I suppose you might think my behavior strange. Regardless of what you may think of me, I never hated him. And I never left him."

Dedue does, regardless of what Felix might think, understand that there are times when he is best utilized away from Dimitri's side-- he has, after all, fought on the battlefield some distance away from His Highness. Felix is right, though, to think that Dedue will not allow anyone to slam the door in his face and try to cut him out of Dimitri's life because they aren't comfortable with the concept of change.

Felix.

"I did not think that you hated him," he says. "If you hated him, you would not have watched over him as you did."

There had almost been an unspoken schedule between them-- when Felix was not watching over Dimitri as he skulked about the ruined cathedral, Dedue was there, and when Dedue had other duties around the monastery, Felix took up the post. Both of them, orbiting Dimitri like moons.

"Your behavior is strange, though," he concedes. "You have yet to insult him. I can only assume that you have found some way to reconcile with His Highness."

Some of the pictures scattered about the room would suggest as much, as well-- there's one or two of them that have Felix and Dimitri in them, the two of them interacting in friendly circumstances. Touching, even, and not during a spar at that. It's something that could have never happened without somehow mending their friendship, as unbelievable as such a thing sounds.

Contrary to what Dedue may believe, Felix would never try to cut him out of Dimitri's life. For one thing, it would make Dimitri miserable. For another, Felix is very aware that there have been times when he couldn't give his king what he needed, and that during those times, Dedue was there to do it instead.

But if Dedue won't give them any time alone...if Felix can't be there with Dimitri the way he was that night at prom, when he searched and searched the mansion until he could hold his lover in his arms and bring him back to himself the only way Felix knows how, because Dedue insists on being there too...then where will that leave him? If Dedue will never leave Dimitri's side, then how will there be any room left for the rest of them?

Maybe he should tell Dedue about their relationship, after all.

But Felix doesn't want to. He doesn't want the man who took his place by Dimitri's side for all those years to be privy to this, too. He wants just one thing he can have with Dimitri that Dedue won't. Just one. Because if he doesn't have that, then...then what does Dimitri need Felix for?

He doubts Dedue would mind it if the answer became 'nothing.'

He blinks himself back to the present when the other man speaks again, even as Pan shifts in his lap to demand more consistent pets, which he provides as he responds.

"I have. We've spoken about a great many things. As I said, I've accepted my role as his Shield. Not for the sake of duty or any such meaningless thing. But for him, personally."

Even at Garreg Mach, Dedue couldn't be at Dimitri's side all hours of the day and night. That had never been a feasible arrangement, even when they were children, nor could it ever be one. He will always wish to serve His Highness as his sword and shield-- and yes, Felix, he heard you the first time when you said that you are now the Shield of Faerghus-- but no man carries his sword and shield with him at all times.

And as far as Felix becoming nothing to Dimitri, well. It isn't a possibility that Dedue had ever even entertained for more than perhaps a moment. Felix is, regardless of whether Dedue thinks that he's a palatable person or not, one of Dimitri's childhood friends, and a relationship that he had dearly wanted to maintain. For Felix to leave his life entirely would surely pain him, and Dedue wouldn't want anything that causes Dimitri pain.

So, he has no reason to try to drive Felix out of His Highness' life. As abrasive as he finds him, he will simply have to live with his presence, as he lived with it while they were living at the monastery. At least if he's reconciled with Dimitri, Dedue oughtn't have to worry about fighting the insistent urge to toss him out of a window for calling His Highness a boar prince.

That isn't to say that he might not still entertain the thought, but only privately and with no intent on following through.

"I see," he says. He can't find fault with Felix's decision-- wanting to be at Dimitri's side for love of him rather than just the demands of duty. "Then I am glad that you have reconciled. Your harsh words had always troubled him."

An understatement, really.

"Since you have said that you are from a later time than I," he says, "how long ago was Gronder Field for you?"

Felix isn't that stupid - he doesn't think it would be literal, that Dedue would actually be at Dimitri's side at all times. It's his presence, his shadow looming over them all like a silent reminder of every mistake they've ever made when it comes to Dimitri. It's knowing that he'll have to watch Dimitri light up like the sun every time Dedue walks into the room, when he's never been that excited to see Felix, not since they were children. Not even here in Johto. It's knowing that Dedue takes up as much figurative room in Dimitri's heart as he does physical room anywhere, and that for all that Dimitri says he loves them all equally, and Felix is sure he thinks he means it...Dedue was enough to replace them all, back when they were all stumbling through post-Tragedy life without a roadmap and no one but Dimitri's vassal could seem to really get through to him. Felix has no reason to think that will ever change.

And why should Felix expect Dimitri to be that happy to see him? He's hardly much better company now than he's ever been, that he can tell...except when Claude and Sylvain are around, maybe. They don't walk on eggshells around him trying to be perfect, or whatever it is Dimitri thinks he's doing when he approaches Felix like he's a spooked horse. How many times does Felix have to tell him he loves him before he'll believe it?

If Dedue told him the same thing, Dimitri would believe it instantly and wholeheartedly.

Maybe no matter what he does, Felix will never make up for the mistakes he made as a stupid, angry teenager.

He grits his teeth when Dedue decides to berate him about exactly that. "Don't lecture me. My relationship with Dimitri is none of your business, no matter how entitled you feel to stick your nose into every little thing he does. You're his vassal, not his mother."

Not his boyfriend, either.

"Months, at this point. It had only been a few weeks past when I arrived here, but I've been here since Ethereal Moon."

The statement wasn't intended to be barbed, but merely a statement of fact that the way that Felix had treated Dimitri had often been a source of pain for him. Dedue would not be upset to have that pain lifted from His Highness, even if it means having to endure more of Felix's prickly company.

"I do not intend to lecture you," he says. "And if I do, you will know it."

As far as Dimitri's relationships not being his business-- well, they tend to become his business when they distress His Highness. Besides, he already is generally aware that lecturing Felix about anything would be an exercise in futility, and he generally does not apply his efforts to futile things. So, really, Felix is spared from an undue amount of Dedue's attention; he enjoys arguing with Felix about His Highness about as much as he enjoys beating his head off of a wall.

"Then I wish to ask you something." Technically, of course, Felix could deny him, though there seems to be little reason for him to withhold information. "Does His Highness continue in his attempts to assault Enbarr?"

The death march. Dimitri had been fixated on reaching Edelgard at the Imperial capital rather than returning to Fhirdiad to retake his kingdom and rally his own troops to his cause. None, not even the Professor, could seem to sway him from his goals. It could perhaps be admirable, his sheer determination, if it was not also likely to end in their deaths.

Felix isn't surprised to hear the question. It was bound to come up eventually. And no doubt Dedue will follow it up with 'what changed' and Felix will once again for the millionth time have to explain that someone in his family died to save Dimitri's life. He's sick to death of this song and dance, this fucking ritual he's had to perform since he was thirteen and will have to perform for the rest of his life.

"No. After the battle at Gronder Field, we marched to retake Fhirdiad and won."

"Good. He has seen reason."

That particular revelation may not have come from Dedue-- not entirely from a lack of trying, but when Dimitri refused to speak to him on the subject, what could he do-- but what mattered was that he was turned from his current trajectory. An attempt at reaching Enbarr would have only ended in disaster for the Kingdom army; Dedue was no tactician, but he was certain of that. They needed the support of the remaining lords in Faerghus to have a hope of successfully assaulting the Imperial capital, and it is heartening that Dimitri finally heeded the wisdom of returning to Fhirdiad.

"Ah. Was he coronated, after the capital was retaken? I may be incorrect in referring to him as His Highness."

He would be His Majesty then, not His Highness.

"Hmph. I'm surprised you bothered to have an opinion of your own on the matter."

But Dedue doesn't ask how it happened or why, and Felix is torn between relief that he doesn't have to explain it and disdain for the way Dedue insists on clinging to all these pointless formalities that are only going to make Dimitri feel shackled again by his fate as king and the distance between him and his friends due to his station that he always hated.

"Not officially. There wasn't time. Claude requested our aid to defend Derdriu; we set out the very next morning at dawn. In practice, he's king. But if you were truly concerned about how much pain his friends bring him, you would forget about titles that mean nothing in this world anyway. Call him by name if you don't want to see him hurt."

And if Felix is saying this, he must really feel strongly about it.

"His Highness' hatred is my hatred," he says, "and his goals are my goals. He desires Edelgard's head, but Enbarr is well defended and our armies are small. Retaking Fhirdiad and bolstering our forces would provide us with the best opportunity at successfully besieging the Imperial capital. I will always prefer the course of action that gives His Highness the best chance of success."

He doesn't mention that how much it would pain him to watch Dimitri fling himself at suicidal odds at the behest of the ghosts in his head, until he either seized victory at the cost of body and soul or until he was left a broken corpse on the battlefield. Nor should the people of Faerghus languish under the heel of a tyrant, if they could be freed. But it is heartening to hear that Dimitri responds to Claude's call for aid so quickly-- that he recognizes friends and allies again, and will go to defend them.

The idea that titles could mean nothing in this world is one that hadn't occurred to him; he had been too preoccupied with finding Dimitri to concern himself with such things.

"I afford His Highness the respect that he deserves," he says. "And as you have seen fit to remind me, I am but his vassal. My duty remains regardless of whether we are in Fódlan or not."

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JULY - AUGUST TEST DRIVE MEME

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