ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

[Felix rolls his eyes.] Don't flatter yourself, Riegan. You're literally the only person I've spoken to here besides whoever that woman is in the kitchen.

[It is reassuring to know that the war isn't going on without them. Particularly since it would mean that the prince and his two highest ranking remaining generals would be missing right when Faerghus needs them most. And when the Alliance needs them, too, although apparently Claude is fine, so...]

[He almost demands that Claude go fetch the others anyway, but the thought flies out of his head at the word 'publicly,' and then that thought flies out of his head at the rest. He scowls, but Claude's sharp enough at reading people to see that he's not actually angry; he's worried.]

Yes, obviously I remember. Better than you, you're not the one who found him that way and then had to deal with him for months like that. I've known Dimitri my whole life, don't presume to tell me how to talk to him.

[It's unfair, he knows, to take it out on Claude. But the words just come out of their own accord. He glances away from the screen, away from knowing green eyes that always made Felix feel exposed.]

...anyway. Guess you survived Derdriu, huh?

I wasn't telling you how to talk to him, so much as giving you forewarning. You've seen him climb out of that hole too, right? I just wanted to warn you he's back in it. [He sighs.] To a slightly different degree than before, actually. He thinks we're all dead and this is the afterlife. I've tried to argue that with him, but...well, it hasn't really gotten me anywhere other than on his bad side. He really doesn't want to hear it.

[He smiles a little.] But despite what he says, yes, I survived Derdriu just fine thanks to you guys. That's actually a big part of why I've been tangling with him. Between you all coming to help me and my knowing perfectly well he can get back into a healthier mindset, I've been doing my best to help Dimitri back out of that pit he's in as the least I can do to repay him...but like I said, it's not going well.

You're right about one thing, though - I never got to see much of him while he was like this. It was just that brief moment at Gronder Field. So hopefully you and Sylvain will be better at managing him than I've been.

[Felix puts his face in his hands briefly.]

Goddess. Of course he thinks this is the afterlife. And of course he doesn't want to hear it.

[He sighs, looking tired for just a second.] I don't know. The first time around, we just...worked around him, until-- [The briefest pause.] Until he got over himself. I'm not one for regrets, but I always wonder whether we could have done more, sooner. I guess this is our chance.

[Then Felix's frown grows deeper, and more thoughtful.] You said people who go back don't lose any time. So if we do get him to abandon this foolish idea that we're all dead, do you think it could change the future? His future. Our past.

Of course? [Claude tilts his head a bit.] I mean, given how bitter and fatalistic he is right now, I guess it makes a sort of sense...but this place is so completely unlike any ideas of the afterlife I've ever heard that I thought it was pretty baffling for him to get that idea. But you know how he thinks better than I would, I guess, so maybe it makes more sense to you.

[At Felix's question...Claude looks thoughtful.] I honestly don't know. Personally, I'm not even sure if we're actually from different points in time, or if it's more like...the rest of you have lost some selective memories? I mean, I've got no evidence to back up the lost memory theory, but there's no way to be sure we're actually from different times, either. Although since people here seem to come from all sorts of different worlds...then maybe people arriving from different times isn't that strange, either.

[He shakes his head slightly.] Anyway...as to whether we can change the past with what we do here, I don't know. I guess it depends on whether things that happen here, or the memories of them, carry over when we go back home. I was wondering about that a little already - for the people who've been here for years, if they went home, would they be that much older at home, too? Or does time not pass for them, either? If someone lost an eye here, would they have one eye when they went home or two?

How much our time here affects us when we go back is something I haven't had the chance to investigate enough yet...or, rather, I've had so many things to look into that I haven't gotten to that specific thing yet. I suppose if we could get Dimitri stable here, and he went back home...whether or not he'd be stable when he got there would depend on whether this place can permanently change you in a way that persists even when you return to your own world. But if time passing here doesn't affect time passing back home...I think that means we can't just assume that things happening here means they'll have happened at home, too. It's not a one-to-one correlation.

[Felix shakes his head.] It has nothing to do with whether or not it matches the scriptures. He's not thinking logically. Frankly, I don't think he's ever thought logically, even before Duscur. [It doesn't sound like an insult; it actually sounds the slightest bit...nostalgic? But then his voice turns pained.] He's always let his emotions rule him. That's why, at his worst, he's a beast.

[He sits through the explanation and Claude's somewhat wandering train of thought with increasing impatience. He remembers now--Claude always loved the sound of his own voice.]

...a simple 'I don't know' would have sufficed.

I mean, he hasn't always. He was pretty wildly different back at the academy than he is now. He told me he was always after revenge since the Tragedy happened, and that he's always been like the guy he is right now, but...c'mon, that's demonstrably untrue. Whatever darker impulses he had back then, they were at the very least way more balanced out with his better nature before. This is a whole other level of...whatever you want to call it.

[He rolls his eyes with good-natured exasperation at Felix's rebuke.] You can't ask me about what plans I've made and what I think might be possible and then get all grumpy with me when I think out loud about it, Felix, honestly. What, you want me to figure this stuff out, but you want me to do it really quietly somewhere by myself and only bother you when I have a whole solution neatly wrapped up in a bow to give to you? So entitled.

Edited 2020-12-05 08:36 (UTC)

[Felix narrows his eyes at Claude's image on the screen.] Just because you didn't see it, doesn't mean it wasn't there. He just hid it better then. Did he ever tell you about the rebellion we put down, before the academy? Ask him sometime. Ask him how in touch with his 'better nature' he was during that battle.

[He can tell he's getting...heated, and he shakes his head, glancing elsewhere.] I'm not saying nothing's changed. Just don't let your rose-colored memories of the academy fool you. He wasn't as different as you think.

[He folds his arms, fixing Claude with a blunt look.] Yes, actually. Do that.

I never said it wasn't there, did I? [Claude shrugs.] If he says it was a facet of him back then - which he told me without me needing to ask about any old campaigns, by the way - then I don't have any reason not to believe him. But that wasn't the only facet of him back then, was it? Not like how it's pretty much taken him over now.

That said, I'm not sure I'd say he was hiding it back then. That seems to suggest that he was trying to...I don't know, trick people or something. First of all, as a practiced liar, I can say that who Dimitri was back at the academy wasn't fake. I don't think he could pull the wool over my eyes that well. Maybe the darker parts didn't get seen much, but...I think that was more a lack of reason for them to come out than because he was deliberately hiding or faking anything.

The Dimitri I saw back then was a genuinely good and earnest guy who wanted to do good things. Maybe all the more desperately than I realized, if he felt like a monster for the darker parts of him that didn't come out much. He certainly thinks it makes him a monster now...and that he always was one. Which doesn't seem to be too different from what you're saying. I can't say I see how that kind of thinking is going to do him any good, though.

Everybody's got their dark sides...and yeah, obviously some are darker than others. But his good side was - is - just as real. This idea that it was just some kind of...mask over the real him, that he was hiding his true nature, or that the good parts of him somehow mean less than the worst parts...that's pretty awful, honestly. It's all equally him.

And until he accepts that, of course he's going to keep embracing the darkest parts of himself. Those parts of him are the 'real' him, after all. Not only would it be dishonest to aspire to better, but he can't actually be better, because his true nature is horrible. But if he accepts the good is as real as the bad...then maybe he's not perfect, but he's not a dyed-in-the-wool beast, either. He's a man who can choose what parts of himself to lean into, just like anyone else.

[Felix drags his hands down his face.] Quit lecturing me, Riegan, I'm not in the mood. ...that's what he said, too, when I asked. That both faces are the real him. That was after he started acting like a human being again, though. I didn't understand how that could be true, but...hmph.

I hate to say this, because it'll go right to your head, but you're right. About some of that. But it is true that he's let his emotions get the better of him ever since we were children. That's why some people have always thought he was too soft to rule. He thinks with his heart, regardless of whether it's bleeding for the living or the dead.

[He shakes his head, and his tone goes sour.] But since you've apparently got him all figured out already, I don't see what you need me for.

He said that? [Claude looks surprised and pleased by this revelation. He knew the Dimitri he'd entrusted Fodlan to had recovered significantly and regained his stability by the time Claude had left him at Derdriu, but he never found out exactly why or how that happened, and he hadn't had the luxury to pry too much at his mental state. But it's genuinely relieving to hear that Dimitri breaking through his current funk apparently comes with a side of, if not necessarily taking Claude's advice - he certainly hadn't had it at his disposal the first time - then at least coming to the same conclusions on his own.

Claude genuinely does think Dimitri needs to accept those ideas to reach that point at all.]

That said, it's Dimitri who needs you. I don't know if he'll listen to you any more than he will to me, but having his closest friends with him will be good for him no matter what pit he's wallowing in. And I like him a lot, but I don't think he'd consider me a *close* anything. Right now he mostly considers me a nuisance. I can't offer him comfort or support just by being by his side...but you and Sylvain definitely can.

He did say that. And you are a nuisance. [Felix seems appeased, though.] But you're right about one thing. He does need me. Sylvain does too, for that matter. [They always have. And, if he were to be completely honest, Felix knows deep down that he needs them, too. Not that he'd ever admit it.] Someone has to be the voice of reason, and it certainly isn't you.

[Claude places a hand to his chest in mock offense.] You wound me, sir. When have I ever not been a bastion of moral and practical guidance?

[He doesn't even try to argue the nuisance bit, which is telling.]

Seriously, though, they'll both be thrilled to see you. And honestly, it's nice even for me to have someone around who remembers we had an understanding between our sides. When I first met up with Sylvain here, he all but frisked me for back-stabbing knives, he was so suspicious. He's thawed since, but...

NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

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Would you believe I legit didn't recall Dimitri said that in canon

lmao awesome XD

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