ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

Cherrygrove

So this is weird. Just...really weird. And not a simulation like Jack was at first sure it was. Seemed reasonable to him, he'd been in a hurry due to the whole moon about to blow up thing and he'd taken a wrong turn in R&D and wandered into some experimental simulation experience!

Except not, and he's on some strange planet that likely isn't even in his dimension and apparently that was pretty much it. No real explanation, no context, just 'welcome to this weird new world, you're stuck here now!'. And he's gotta bust his ass to some place called Goldenrod, and apparently this place doesn't have efficient Fast Travel up and running.

But it's...it's fine. He can deal with this. It's not nearly the worst thing that's happened in the last week alone. The whole moon blowing up issue again. He's a little concerned about that, but time-distortion yadda yadda yadda everybody's said it's fine. So...may as well roll with it. What else is he gonna do? Wander around with his new weird animal friend, apparently.

He's still not sure what to think of the Wimpod, it's like some kind of crab and some kind of bug engaged in unholy union to produce it, but it seems...friendly? And nervous and quietly distressed. But hey, Jack can commiserate and relate to that! He's pretty quietly distressed himself.

At least he's found the next point of civilization! And wherever this is, it's a lot nicer than Concordia. Lots of green, clean air, kind if quaint and dinky but cute...the kind of planet he's sometimes able to take a vacation to for a weekend - assuming the workload allows it. But hey! Another bonus! No Tassiter bitching in his ear! No anybody bitching in his ear. Or needing to be herded like cats. Or threatening to kill him or do something else awful.

"Ya know something, weird little alien bug dude?" He looks down at the Wimpod poking out of his bag. "I think I can work with this. Sign says this place has a spa, you wanna do spa stuff? Holy crap, I need to find other actual people! You...you don't talk back and you probably don't know what the hell I'm saying anyway. I dunno how it works for you, but I need actual people to talk to and hang out with. We're social, that's real important."

Maybe he'll luck out and this Cherrygrove place will have a bar attached to the hotel. He's gonna lose his mind if he tries to start another conversation with his friggin bug buddy...

[You know, that feel? When you're just stopping by a town and you don't even think about it, because why shouldn't you just be able to stop by a place, it's what people DO here, it's normal? And then you see yourself and by yourself we mean your asshole boss and by THAT we mean

your asshole boss as he looked several years ago

YOU KNOW.

JUST POKELIFE THINGS.

...All Tim hears right now is Kill Bill sirens and he immediately ducks behind the nearest wall.

why.

is his life.]

[What the freaking hell?]

[Jack pauses where he is, right in the main road of Cherrygrove, and pinches the bridge of his nose. What the hell did he just catch a glimpse of? It...it looked a lot like him but kind of messed up? That's...that's really weird. And he's only been on the road a few days, it takes like...six weeks of isolation for hallucinations to kick in. Right? He's pretty sure he heard that somewhere. Hyperion had done all kinds of research on isolation, for the dudes stuck alone on mine asteroids for months at a time.]

Did you see that?

[Oh crap, he's talking to the bug again. Maybe he was just seeing things, it's been a stressful week. It's probably just some weird Pokemon person and his own brain was...tired? Sure, he'll go with that. And to settle his tired, stressed out brain, he'll just confirm this. He approaches the wall the mysterious stranger vanished behind.]

Uh...hello?

[shit shit shit shit shit shit

Of cours he got spotted immediately. Honestly, Tim, what were you thinking? Stealth is not your greatest skill. Okay, maybe he can still get out of this. Just think fast.

Can he teleport?

...Well, not from sheer force of wanting to disappear, it seems, despite his best efforts. Why can't his brain do something useful for once? Something that isn't freaking out? Okay, just... trust his instincts, maybe? He's a Vault Hunter. Well, ex-Vault Hunter! He'll use all his... Vault Hunter instincts!

...

......

Aaaaaany moment now.

.........

Nope, still just standing there, ready to be discovered.]

[Okay, no seriously, what the ever loving shit?]

[Jack comes around the corner and just stops. He opens his mouth to say something and promptly closes it again. This...this is not right.
He's looking at himself but not? Seeing himself wouldn't be that weird, there are two people who look like him in existence. He'd spent a significant portion of his savings on making that happen, but Jack Number 2 AKA the Lawrence guy looks just like him. This is some old dude in a really weird Jack mask kind of cowering behind the wall and he just doesn't know what to do with this.]

So...there's a reasonable explanation for this, right? You can lie and just say 'yes' if there's not, I'll accept that right now.

Akane doesn't know why she's back in Cherrygrove when everything just makes her remember Connie more and more. Well, no, she does sort of know. Mostly it's just that there's no warps to New Bark, so if she wants to catch the ferry to Pallet Town, like she's been thinking about doing, and just-- going over to Kanto and trying the whole pokemon journey again from the beginning, this time on her own... well. If she's going to do that, she has to hit the road in Cherrygrove.

"Mr Jack--?"

Akane hasn't talked to either of Connie's adopted uncles since Connie disappeared, so it's just startling to see him here. Especially since...

"What happened to your mask?" she asks, confused. Akane Tendo is not the most observant creature in the world, but even she can tell when a guy isn't wearing the mask that she's never seen him without.

"Uh...what now? Who the hell are you?"

This is weird. Why is everything so weird here? He's still got the headache he'd woken up here with - high stress situations and being shot at and punched and thrown around like a pinball will do that to a guy. And this is still a pretty stressful situation. Displaced, no answers, no idea where he is or how the hell to get home...

And now this.

This Cherrygrove place better not be lying about that spa.

"Akane Tendo?" she says, frowning a bit. "Um, I was Connie's girlfriend? Connie who worked for you? And was sort of like a niece to you? You don't remember either of us?"

She didn't talk to Mr Jack very often and she knew he was busy and didn't always remember everyone's names unless he was reminded of them, but they'd met before! She'd called to wish him happy birthday!

Edited (tenses) 2020-12-10 00:39 (UTC)

"Kid I woke up here like three days ago, I have no clue what you're talking about and it's starting to freak me out, so....I'm gonna go with I'm not who you think I am."

None of these names mean anything to him and the last thing he wants right now is any more weirdness he doesn't understand. A man only has so much capacity for crazy bullshit and his was already getting tested before he ended up here. He highly doubts Pickles' real name is 'Connie' and that's the only kid that's ever worked for him in any capacity. He also highly doubts Pickles could get a girlfriend.

"But hey, if you could point me to the spa that's supposedly around here, that'd be really helpful and make up for weirding me out!"

He definitely sounds like Mr Jack, even if he doesn't have the mask and has a tiny little triangle beard instead. On the other hand, Mr Jack's been here for a lot longer than three days. She knows that much.

"I guess I can. Oh, but you need to be careful. There's sneaky quagsire that sometimes break into your hotel room and try to steal your things. It happened when I first got here, nine months ago. Anyway, follow me?"

And she'll start leading him towards the spa, thinking hard about it as she does.

"Maybe he's your relative," she says finally. "Uh, Mr Jack I mean. Just because he does kind of look like you, but he's older and he wears a mask. I think his first name is 'Handsome?'"

(She's not entirely sure, though.)

"One I don't have any male relatives, two...you ever heard the phrase 'read the room'? Might wanna try it, kid."

He doesn't know what a 'quagsir' or whatever is and he doesn't have anything worth stealing anyway so he's not gonna concern himself with that. Honestly he doesn't want to think about much of anything he's learned today. Or possibly the past few days, he's not sure yet. Okay, he'll have to deal with it at some point but he's hoping after he can relax and find a bar.

"I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything I just got a lot going on, got a lot on my mind, lot to deal with."

They're not in a room, Akane wants to protest, but she knows that Mr Jack's Long-Lost Cousin or Something doesn't mean it literally. She's pretty sure he is related to Mr Jack, even if he says he's not. They're just too similar not to be family.

"I guess you would if you just got here," she admits. "Especially if you had to deal with the Fake Mom. She's pretty much the worst."

(Look, when your real mom has been dead since you were little, having some random lady claim to be your mom is super distressing.)

Something long and lean lurked in the alleys of Cherrygrove. It was dusk and the street lights were coming on in the quaint little town. Whether Jack was on his way to or from a bar didn't matter to JW. He was in need of some cash and he knew just how to get it.

Weaker trainers. And where do weak trainers come from? The east side of Cherrygrove.

When Jack and his bug rounded the corner, JW slid out of the shadows and barred the way with his long arms.

"AHA! When two trainers' eyes meet, they must bat--ul?" JW paused in his challenge. This guy looked really familiar. Wait. Waaaait wait wait. Wasn't there an uglier version of this guy kicking around here somewhere? If JW hadn't spent such a long time with an older Jack during that festival he wouldn't have noticed. But notice he did!

Oh what fresh bullshit is this? Jack is tired. He's had a really rough week or two and he just wants to go back to his dinky little hotel room and take a hot shower and sleep while he's still got a buzz on. Maybe complain to his bug a little more - it can't talk back but it seems like it listens. Maybe.

"Yeah, no, look I'm...I'm sorry, but I'm not doing that. It sounds dumb and look at this thing." He lifts his pack to display his quivering crab-bug. "Challenging this thing is like kicking a three legged puppy that's on fire."

He doesn't know who the hell this scrawny, pointy dude is but he understands the whole magic alien dog fight thing and he's just not up for it right now.

"I'm sure there's plenty of other idiots you can throw your pet alien at but I'm not even from here. Um. I mean idiots in general. I'm not an idiot."

JW quietly wonders if his brain is doing something stupid...but Jack's voice. The way he talks. No doubt this is the festival guy. But different. Either way he doesn't have those scary dogs with him and that gives JW confidence.

"Ah-ah!" JW shakes a scolding finger. "It doesn't matter if we're locals or not, when in Rome!"

"Yeah, I'm not fighting you. Look, I've been having a really tough week - just batshit nuts! - and I just don't want to do this whole thing. That's my right, I'm a grown ass adult and 'no' is a whole sentence. I don't even have any money, all you're gonna win is a granola bar and a coupon for free pretzels with your next pitcher at what passes for the local watering hole around here."

Jack's money just got liquidated, he's got nothing to offer up as far as winnings go. Maybe if he had another Pokemon or something, but it just feels like it'd be really depressing to stand here while he loses his buzz, watching his dumb bug get its ass kicked.

"You want the coupon that bad you can have it, but in the interest of not going hungry tomorrow, you'll pry my granola bar outta my cold dead hands."

JW thought about his options. He did like granola bars. But he didn't drink. So the pretzel coupon would be useless to him unless he tried to trade up somewhere.

He also had the opportunity here to be a Good Guy and let this reborn newbie pass without hassle. A memory, like a bolt from the heavens, suddenly struck him straight through the chest. His primary memory with this man--the festival. His fortune. His fortune that repeated over and over and over.

There is still time.

JW lowers his hand from where it had been hovering over the poke'balls on his belt.

"Forget about it."

Oh thank fuck. Jack really didn't know if this guy was gonna push it or not, he's seen how seriously people take this Pokemon thing around here. He visibly relaxes, holding up his hands.

"Thank you! Seriously, I didn't know I what I was gonna do if you started chucking angry animals at me anyway. I've literally been running away from the ones on the road, I dunno if there was a mixup or something but I didn't exactly get a useful funky animal friend."

He pulls his trembling Wimpod out and holds it in front of him to emphasize the point.

JW leans forward to get a better look at Wimpod. He's never seen that kind of Pokemon before but it did not look...very formitable.

"Oh, man, they screwed you over good. At least my duck could shoot water."

Instead of assaulting Jack with his team, JW decides to flex a little. He unclips Psyduck's ball from his hip and calls her out. She appears in a flash of brilliant red light and blinks around before noticing Jack and his partner.

"Psyduck?" She gently places a paw on the side of her head.

"She shoots ice now though." JW brags.

"They both got spacey eyes, though! Well...I dunno, I guess mine more has really sad eyes. Geeze. Is this normal? Is it depressed? Maybe it just knows how pitiful it is..." Jack looks between his Wimpod and the other guy's duck...yeah, the duck does look tougher. And a little brain-dead but maybe that's just normal, too. He doesn't know.

"I don't even know what the hell it can do. How do you find out? Besides pitting it against something else, I mean." He just can't imagine this depressed looking little crab-bug fighting anything. Unless it spits acid or something, but he hasn't seen any evidence it can do anything cool like that.

"Okay that I can tell you." JW fishes his Poke'Gear out of his pocket and closes the gap between the two of them, holding the device out for Jack to see.

He steadies the lens over Psyduck and the 'Gear chimes and brings up her stats. Psyduck blushes a little at the attention. She's never been shown off before!

"It's hard if they don't hold still, but this can tell you most stuff."

"Holy shit, it's like an ECHOeye!"

Jack laughs a little, tipsy and honestly a little delighted to see some tech that makes sense to him. Okay, so his little personal computer thing can tell him.

"Alright, let's take a look at this sad little mother trucker." He sets his Wimpod down and pulls out his own Gear, aiming it at the bug. And just as promised, a whole bunch of info pops up.

"Look at that! Okay...wow. Wow. So it's super scared of everything, it leaks poison when it gets really scared, and the poison reeks super bad! Apparently it also eats rotten things so yeah, real winner here. Holy shit, okay, I'd be depressed as hell, too!"

"Oh...wow." JW echoes Jack and rubs the back of his neck in second-hand embarrassment. That was. A stinker of a starter. Woof. "Hey, look on the bright side. It'll be easy to feed?"

Psyduck, meanwhile, has waddled up to the Wimpod and leaned down to give it a pat. She's also been the object of disappointment before. There there, little dude.

"You can train the things, right? Maybe I can toughen it up. Just cuz he's a sad, pathetic little nothing now doesn't mean he's always gotta be. You can do better, little buddy!"

Jack knows all about that.

The Wimpod trembles at the attention, antennae waving nervously as the pat is cautiously endured.

"Maybe I outta battle him a little. I mean he's got poison, he's not defenseless. Plus we need the cash!"

"Yeah. You just have to find weaker Poke'mon. He'll probably turn into something bigger once he's got enough experience."

What the actual HELL is this feeling? He's never explained the world of Pokemon to anyone before. He thinks of his poke'gear buddy, the one who taught him about Yungoos. Was this what paying it forward felt like? Gross.

"Looks like he's Bug and Water. If he knows how to shoot water, try to beat up a Fire Pokemon, it'll be easier."

A thought comes to him. He does have Hot Stuff, but she's pretty beefy and he doesn't want to hurt her pride by calling her out and then commanding her to sit still while this baby bug squirts her for an hour. He shakes his head to dismiss the thought.

"Or go nibble on a Grass type."

NOVEMBER - DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

Jack | Borderlands The Pre-Sequel

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Re: Jack | Borderlands The Pre-Sequel

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