January - February Test drive

[indigo_events]

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[silky_bearing]

[His most charming smile is... rather disarming, honestly. Goddess he's missed seeing the mischievous little monster and his stupidly handsome face.

Lorenz returns the smile as best he can, trying his hardest not to get too choked up just being in the presence of one of the few people he genuinely considered a friend after being isolated for so long. He's honestly hardly paying attention to explanation. Right, warping. Some of the deeper more.... unpleasant places in Fódlan have similar contraptions, though they utilize the same strange dark magics that the Agarthans use.

Just think of them has his already fragile smile wavering for a moment, the fingers touching Claude's sleeve so lightly curling just a little, like he might just cling to him but he doesn't allow himself to do it. If he lets himself do any of a number of things that might make him feel better he's afraid what little self control he has will crumble.]

Fine... I- I'll be fine.

[vrdantwind]

[Alas for Lorenz, Claude has always been far too observant for his own - or anyone else's - good. He sees Lorenz faltering, hears the waver in his voice, and...man, Lorenz really has been miserable, hasn't he? It had been obvious before, of course, but seeing how fragile and unconvincing his facade is, when Lorenz puts such importance on pride and appearances...that communicates it more thoroughly than anything else possibly could. Maybe even more so than any actual words Lorenz could use, if he cared to.

That settles it. Claude had kind of wanted to hug Lorenz anyway - he's missed him, perhaps more than he'd realized until he'd actually seen him again and the elephant in the room between them had been addressed - but he thinks Lorenz might actually need one. So, with a smile and a shake of his head, he steps forward and pulls the lanky idiot into an embrace.

...emphasis on the lanky, actually. Without that fancy armor in the way, and when Claude's actually got his arms around Lorenz, the slightly surprising ease with which he'd pulled in a guy taller than he is gets some context. He'd swear Lorenz didn't used to be this skinny...just how bad did the guy have it?]

C'mon, you can unbend enough to just admit you missed me. I mean, if you think you're actually fooling anyone right now, much less me, then I might have to be offended.

[silky_bearing]

[He stumbles forward into the other man's arms, breath caught uncomfortably in his chest for a moment, stiff and uncertain. It only takes a few seconds for exactly what he feared to happen, the steadily fraying hold on his emotions finally snapping. His arms go around Claude in return and for telling himself he wasn't going to cling a moment ago he clutches his friend to him now, squeezing him tight enough that he could almost hide the way he trembles.

Holding his breath isn't going to last as a means of self restrain but it gives him another moment of pretending like he's not a complete disaster. But Claude in his infinite wisdom decides to tease him and it startles a laugh out of him, or something that was meant to be a laugh. Except it comes out as more of a sob and then Lorenz half collapses against Claude, face buried in his shoulder. If he must cry then at least he can hide against Claude and wonder when he'd come to associate safety with a man that he'd once been so suspicious of.]

I did- [The words are wet and shaky but he keeps himself to sniffles and trembling breaths, able to keep himself from outright sobbing at the very least.] I missed you so much.

[Er... maybe able to keep himself from outright sobbing]

[vrdantwind]

[Oh, man.

Somehow, for all Claude's infinite wisdom, he hadn't actually expected Lorenz to break down like this, even though he'd known the other man was in a bad state. In retrospect, maybe that was uncharacteristically stupid of him. Whether or not it's accurate - Lorenz himself doesn't seem entirely sure anymore, and Claude is happy to cling to that scrap of hope rather than believe otherwise - Lorenz had thought he'd died. Alone, desperate and scared, full of regrets, trying to do what he believed was right all the way to the end but none of it going the way he wanted it to. Who wouldn't break down?

(Thinking of Lorenz dying with his regrets laying heavy on him...it makes him think of some of the more disturbing beliefs of Faerghus. And, for a moment, he almost thinks he sees a glimmer of sense in it. Not that preaching that kind of doctrine, thinking that the regretful dead are burning in a sort of hell until their regrets are resolved for them, is a good thing by any means, but...the way it makes him feel, he can see why those feeling the same might try to justify doing whatever they felt would help the dead rest easier. Less a service to the dead than a balm - and perhaps an excuse - for the grieving. Claude's never been a particularly vengeful or violent person, but...if Lorenz died like that, then Edelgard and Count Gloucester have something to personally answer to Claude for.)

Still...somehow, Claude hadn't seen this coming. Perhaps because he and Lorenz have rarely been this raw and vulnerable with each other - Lorenz rarely, Claude next to never. They're way off the map of their usual dynamic, and Claude isn't quite sure how to navigate it. It feels oddly harder than the emotional intimacy that he's developed with the Blue Lions here, despite the fact that he knows Lorenz far better than he initially knew any of them. Maybe it's due to most of the territory having been uncharted with them - with less familiarity, the unfamiliar hadn't felt so strange.

Lorenz has always been a difficult one, too - it isn't as simple as just pouring compassion and sympathy on him. The man has his pride, and as battered as it might be right now, Claude still thinks he probably has it in him to be offended if he feels Claude is coddling him. It's a delicate needle to thread, but...well, if his Deer aren't worth the effort, who is?

He chuckles a little, rubbing Lorenz's back with one hand. It's an almost familial gesture, not that Lorenz comes from any kind of family where he'd be likely to recognize it.] Jeez, wasn't expecting you to actually admit it...now I'm all embarrassed. But I missed you too, Lorenz. Seriously. And as much as I hate what you had to come through...I'm glad you're here.

[silky_bearing]

[The soothing pressure on his back does precisely as it's meant to, warm and comforting and helping him get himself back under control. He shakes his head, trying to draw in a full deep breath, failing, and then squeezing Claude one more time. It's a strange sort of sensation, the warmth and, whether Claude will admit it or not, care in such a gesture.

He can hardly recall the last time he cried never mind any sort of comfort offered for such unseemly behavior. A nobleman is not swayed by his emotions but instead logical and precise. Always. Something that had been drilled into him for as long as he can remember.

Don't get upset, don't get mad, don't show anyone that things affect you. You undermine your power with such needless emotions. You need to be untouchable. All pleasant smiles and polite nods and don't you dare question your father.

He'd never managed to be cold the way his father did but he could spout thoughtless pleasantries for days and that had been... acceptable.

But this? This was disgraceful. And here was Claude being kind to him, as though he wasn't making an utter fool of himself.

Lorenz sniffles again, swallows down another sob, and forces himself to take a step back. Distance, first and foremost. One hand comes up to his face, rubbing at his eyes as begins murmuring his apologies, voice still strained even though he's fighting so hard to get himself back under control.]

N-nonsense. If anyone should be embarrassed it's me. [One more attempt to scrub away any sign of tears from his face and pretend like his hold on his emotions is far more solid than it is (than it ever is, if he's honest.)]

My... apologies...

[vrdantwind]

Embarrassed of what, Lorenz? Nobody's watching or judging here but me, and you know I'm not the kind of guy who demands people keep up appearances. If you need to just let yourself be overwhelmed for a few minutes, then I'm here to help you with that, and I'm not going to think less of you for it. [Claude pauses, then huffs out a smile.] But it's not me that's judging you, is it? It's you. Although I'd say if it's only your own standards you're not living up to, you don't have to make any show of apologizing to me. I'm not the one you feel like you're letting down here, am I? You know me better than that.

[He shakes his head.] I think under the circumstances, you'd be more than justified in cutting yourself some slack here...but despite my sterling example, you've never really learned how to do that, have you? Not that you've had much freedom to follow that example, with Count Gloucester always looming over you. But now that we're here...just remember that you do have that freedom now, okay? I know you're not going to unwind all at once, but...you can still loosen a little.

[He reaches out to lightly touch Lorenz's wrist.] C'mon, let's go grab some food. I'm not feeling sick anymore, and you feel like you've missed a few dozen meals.

[silky_bearing]

[In some ways he does know Claude is right. There's so much going on, being overwhelmed is understandable. He'd expect nothing less of someone else in his position and would be more than happy to support them.

But that doesn't make it any easier to accept his own spiraling thoughts as being in any way reasonable.

I'm not the one you feel like you're letting down here, am I? Perhaps... perhaps not, logically. Still it's been so long and he's just so grateful to have Claude here with him that he can't help feeling like every little hiccup is going to finally break the other man's seemingly endless patience with him. Surely there must be a tipping point that his failings will make Claude give up on him once and for all.

Maybe he'd already reached it. Maybe that was why Claude had never come-

He frowns hard, shaking his head, lip still trembling and eyes damp. No, he knows that's not true however many times he'd wondered when things were at their darkest... when he'd thought Father would get tired of his endless resistance and simply give him over to them.]

I'm- [Stop it. He's not some fragile damsel in distress that needed Claude to come rescue him and continuing to apologize for being bothersome is only going to grow tiresome and that's precisely what he's trying to avoid. He lets out a shaky breath and when Claude touches his wrist he finds himself clinging to his hand before he can stop himself.

Something he immediately remedies, releasing the hold he has on his friend and rolling his eyes at himself, huffing out an irritated breath so that he can do his best to act as normal as possible.] Must you really be so clever now of all times?

[You can't just call him out like this Claude, his heart can't take it.]

Dinner... would be nice. And I will do my best to remain presentable this time.

[A weak, half-hearted smile. A subtle reminder that perhaps eating in public would be even more embarrassing because of... everything weighing on him right now. Even if he does tug his jacket tighter around him as if he can simply deny the suggestion that he hasn't been eating if he somehow blocks Claude from seeing how much space there really is in what was a perfectly fitted suit.]

[vrdantwind]

[Claude watches Lorenz, taking in every little detail with those sharp eyes of his that Lorenz, in their separation, seems to have forgotten that he has. The way Lorenz frowns and shakes his head, negating some thought or emotion Claude can't see. The grabbing his hand, only to immediately let it go again. Still beating himself up, still holding himself back, still completely mired in his own fear or reluctance or grief or...whatever emotion it is he's experiencing. Honestly, there's a lot of options. But even without being able to narrow down which exactly it is, it's obvious enough that they're all negative ones.

Okay, so Lorenz isn't able to relax himself or his sky-high personal standards here. Fair enough; it's a lot to unpack all at once, and it's not like Lorenz is in a great state for doing any kind of emotional labor. But Claude's a strategist. When confronted with a hard limit, he doesn't take that as an impassable roadblock; he looks for a way around. And he can work with this. It's not like Lorenz has ever been easy to unbend, and he's managed him just fine before.]

Well, if you're not going to take my hand, I'll just take yours. [He says this lightly, even as he reaches out and grabs the hand that just let go of his.] Now you're just enduring me and my ridiculous whims like always, right?

[And, without giving Lorenz any real time to answer, much less protest, he starts pulling him out of the pokécenter.] C'mon, we'd better get going! Restaurants and cafes don't necessarily stay open all night in a sleepy town like this. As for presentable, who cares? It's late enough that we might be the last customers of the night.

[silky_bearing]

[There's a moment there where he worries he might just burst into tears again. Claude takes his hand back and Lorenz is just so overwhelmingly grateful to have some kind of anchor, some physical reminder that he's here and okay and alive and Claude is with him again-

It makes him seem needy, he's sure, but for just a moment he can't quite make himself care. Not when Claude offers him that flimsy excuse on a silver platter. He simply threads his fingers through Claude's and holds on for all he's worth.

Which turns out to be a good thing because Claude pulling him out of the pokécenter staggers him for a moment, his feet clumsy as he adjusts to the other man's pace.]

O-oh... If it's that late it would be awfully impolite... wouldn't it?

[Yeah he's absolutely one of those people that wants to be seated at least an hour before a restaurant closes or he feels like a bother.]

[vrdantwind]

[That's exactly what the excuse is for. Claude smiles to himself as Lorenz's fingers entwine with his, at Lorenz letting himself have something. It's just as well he's facing away from Lorenz, because otherwise he'd probably be accused of looking far too pleased with himself.]

We'll pay them extra. [Claude says this with determination, and also the casual air of a man for whom money ceased to be any object ages ago.] It's only rude to ask someone to do something if they're not being properly compensated for doing it, isn't it? If the compensation is worth it to them, though, then logically they'll be happy to trade their services for that compensation. That's the kind of logic you like, isn't it? An equitable exchange and amicable understanding between the served and the serving?

[Never let it be said Claude hasn't learned how to sell Lorenz on ideas.]

[silky_bearing]

[He makes a sound, something that might have been a token protest but really he doesn't have a counter for Claude's logic. And he knows it. That's the point.

But instead of finding it infuriating, just this once, he takes some comfort from Claude's unending confidence and allows the other man to just take charge of everything. Lorenz himself feels far too off kilter, like his heart's been hollowed out of everything that mattered and now, suddenly, that space is flooded over again and he has no idea how to contain it anymore.

So he simply lets Claude lead, squeezes his hand one more time, and when he speaks his voice is thick with emotion and the threat of tears again.]

Thank you, Claude.

[vrdantwind]

[Claude laughs, deliberately light, not wanting to let Lorenz get bogged down in deeper emotions again - not over this, at least. He wants Lorenz to be able to relax, to smile, to be happy again. He knows that won't be easy, and that it'll take time and work for Lorenz to get there...but the heavy issues can be dealt with in their own time and place. Right now, when it's just a matter of going out for a meal with a friend, he wants Lorenz to set aside those heavier things for a little while.] C'mon, Lorenz, it's just dinner. No need to blow it out of proportion.

[But he squeezes Lorenz's hand back, all the same.

Claude considers their choices carefully, and soon settles on guiding Lorenz inside a bakery. He knows Lorenz is fond of cakes and sandwiches and pastries - namely the sorts of things that go with tea - but also he can tell this place serves heartier fare, too. He's specifically eyeing the soup bread bowls. Something nice and hearty and filling seems like it'd do Lorenz a lot of good right now.] This place seems nice. Why don't you go get us a table while I order us some grub?

[That word choice was deliberate. He wants Lorenz to be a little less deferential, and he figures the quick way to that is to low-key annoy him with a word as inelegant as 'grub'. Just something to get him a little huffy, stir up that banked spark of Lorenz's spirit.]

[silky_bearing]

[ Hearty and filling might be asking a bit much, Claude. But he's willing to try at least, he has no idea what sort of food a place like this has so he's going to have to lean on Claude a little bit. Still Claude is absolutely right. The moment the word "grub" leaves his lips Lorenz snaps his attention back to him, nose wrinkled and looking affronted at the very existence of the word. ]

Ugh. Must you?

[ Why do you have to be disgusting, Claude? Lorenz half rolls his eyes, turning away to huff off to find them somewhere to sit... only to turn on his heel and march right back as soon as he sees the glass case of pastries up front. ]

I'll forgive your horrible language if you bring me one of those nut rolls.

[ Whatever else Claude is planning to get him a maple and pecan topped cinnamon roll just sounds too heavenly to pass up. ]

Please.

[ A murmured afterthought, torn between the demanding huffiness that feels so natural with Claude and not wanting to be rude. Then he finally wanders off to claim a table near the front windows so they can see outside.]

[vrdantwind]

[Claude's wicked grin at Lorenz's clear annoyance is perhaps the brightest he's had on his lips thus far, because this is Lorenz. The Lorenz he remembers, who was working on being more tolerant but who still had certain standards, someone with the fire and spine to call Claude out, someone Claude enjoyed teasing and who, Claude suspects, secretly liked their little back-and-forths despite himself. If Claude can like getting upbraided, then surely Lorenz can like doing the braiding.

It was just...part of how their relationship worked. And because they liked each other, Claude had liked that - and he likes to think Lorenz did, too. So seeing that familiar dynamic raise its head again, even out of Lorenz's depression...it feels good. Great, even.

The fact that Lorenz follows it up with a demand is even better. (The 'please' doesn't detract from this, both because Lorenz would be polite and proper even when making demands and because the fact that it was made at all is the main thing.) That gets a bright laugh out of Claude, and he answers with a wink before heading to the counter.

Lorenz has made a grave mistake. He's let Claude order the food.

Claude, a man who loves feasts.

So when Claude brings over the trays of food...Lorenz is going to find out he's ordered way too much. For one thing, Lorenz definitely has two of those nut rolls, and they're not small. But for another...Claude seems to have ordered enough food for about four people, because it takes four trays to convey it all to their table. (In fact, Claude has to pull over a second table to set two of the trays down on.) Several large sandwiches, two bread bowls full of (different kinds of) soup, three chocolate-drizzled croissants, a large bowl of macaroni and cheese, a flatbread pizza(white sauce, like Lorenz), two chai lattes, and a large salad that definitely has a lot of chicken in it.

And Claude begins distributing the food between them as though this is totally normal and not something Lorenz is going to be aghast about. Especially since an awful lot of the food seems to be ending up on Lorenz's side of the table.]