ohmyarceus | NOVEMBER-DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

Ohh...!

[Ellen looks so excited over this, like a teen with her first phone...

...wait.]

It's pretty handy. Anything you need to know is in there right now. Though any questions?

[This boy has very good taste.]

I can personally vouch for both Zubat and Morelull, having raised them both myself. Their evolved forms actually happen to be among my small group of Pokémon who have reached the highest level currently possible.

[--the video feed snaps on like the worst case of shakycam you can imagine. Everything's a green-and-brown blur. Hope no one's got the volume up too high: BANG! BANG! BANG! it goes as the PokeGear is used the way God intended: to hammer a clothespin into the ground. It's the middle of the road, so this is proving to be a little difficult. Speaking of volume, you'd better have turned it down, because you hear a very noisy, very shrill laugh very close to that microphone.]

Eheheh! Git on in there, y'little skillet-lickin'--eh?

[The banging stops, and the PokeGear is turned around a few times. You glimpse a road, trees, and what looks like a sleeping bag slung over a clothesline that's strung clear across the road -- and a wall-eyed, toothless old hillbilly in filthy clothes and a beard that may as well go on forever. He's noticed that the light's come on. You can't see his face as he speaks, the camera's pointed up at the sky at a weird angle, but who else would this voice be coming from?]

...well, I'll be. I knew this here mallet weren't working right.

[Oh boy. Several things pass through Ford's mind in quick succession: Fiddleford is here, Fiddleford is clearly not as sane as Ford remembers him, and what the hell is he doing that in the middle of the road for?]

Fiddleford -- you're going to want to move that... [Squint.] Tent?

[No hello, no emotional reunion (not yet), because of course from Ford's perspective they've already done that. He was already emotionally vulnerable once and once is enough for a while even if he's been slowly dipping his toes in a little more since arriving here.]

[When a voice comes out of the machine, McGucket nearly drops it. There's a moment of even worse shaky-cam as he flails, trying to get a good grip on it for a solid second and a half, finally getting hold.

It's a familiar voice.

McGucket turns the little machine over in his hands. When he sees the screen, he squints, and then gives it a wide-eyed stare.

He doesn't think it's a two-way connection. Even though Stanford is mentioning the tent he's set up in what is obviously the best place to set up a tent (SDOOW EHT TSURT T'NOD), this is clearly a video recording, right? Video phones not be possible for another five years.

Ford should be counting his blessings that McGucket doesn't think that he's been shrunk down and trapped inside this funny looking mallet.

The wide-eyed, slack-jawed stare goes on for a couple seconds, and then the device hits the ground with another BANG as McGucket leaps up with a whoop.]

That's it! It's him, that researcher what I couldn't remember! Wait till I tell Dipper an' Mabel that I finally done remembered who wrote the journals! Hoo-ee, I did it!

[You can't see the jig of excitement that he's doing, but it's very, very excited. He'll worry about why there is a recording of his former partner on this tiny television (and why the man in the recording looks so old) later. He probably won't worry about how he's going to get back to Gravity Falls to tell them until even later.]

Edited 2017-12-02 00:44 (UTC)

[Yikes. Okay. If Ford was at all uncertain about where exactly on the timeline Fiddleford got yoinked from, he isn't anymore. This Fiddleford is behind on a lot of things, including the plot and his own recovery, and Ford isn't really good at being delicate about either. Ford just isn't good about being delicate, even when he tries (and he has been trying lately, really he has).

Where is he? Trees and a road isn't enough to judge by when so much of Johto is wooded. It's probably Johto, right? Fiddleford couldn't have hopped a ferry over to Kanto already. Then again, knowing Fiddleford it's very possible he built a ferry himself and is in some other region entirely. If Ford has to go and pick up his old partner from Pokéfrance there are going to be issues.

But that's all hypothetical. Ideally Fiddleford hasn't gotten far past New Bark Town. Ford won't know until he asks-- if he can get Fiddleford's attention again.]

Fiddleford! Focus. I need to ask you some questions.

Eh?

[...oh, the recording isn't over? He thought it was, whoops.

McGucket picks the PokeGear up with his bandaged-up hand and peers at it. OK, cool, he'll watch the rest. From the sounds of it, he himself was there when this was made. Sure, he doesn't remember it, but ha ha haa that counts for so much less than nothing. Negative nothing.

Maybe if he keeps watching, he'll remember something else! ]

[There is a long, pregnant pause while Fiddleford waits for the recording to continue and Ford has to figure out where the issue is. Fiddleford is a genius; surely the Pokégear shouldn't be difficult for him? But Ford can't assume anything about his best friend anymore, can he. This isn't the Fiddleford he knew in 1982 and it isn't the Fiddleford he reconnected with in 2012.

What actually breaks the silence isn't more of Ford failing to gracefully handle the situation, but rather the soft whispery burbling of a Skrelp. Dank Weed pokes her bent snout and tired eyes into frame, apparently having finally worked up enough energy to be interested in what her trainer is doing.]

Ssskrelp?

[The screen flickers on to the image of a young girl with mid-length bushy brown hair wearing a very serious expression and poised almost as though undertaking a job interview. Peeking over her shoulder is a green blob that seems to be trying very hard to get into the video.]

Good afternoon. My name is Hermione Granger. I was hoping that someone could direct me to the nearest library, as there are a number of topics that I need to look up quite urgently.

[The Solosis is now trying to push Hermione's head over and out of the frame so that it can be the star of the video. Hermione uses the hand not holding the PokeGear to push it back while she tries to stay focused.]

As you can see, it really is quite important. I'm currently in a town called New Bark, and I'm hopeful that there is a library close by. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated.

[She's not even going to mention the music which is, if possible, even more distracting than the Solosis.]

[Look, Fiddleford McGucket has had stare-downs with a mirror and won. Multiple times. Do not underestimate how long he can keep this up.

The blank, unreadable stare breaks when the Skrelp pokes her nose onto camera. McGucket blinks, then scratches his beard with a frown.]

I don't remember that critter at all.

[This is upsetting. McGucket's thoughtful frown droops into a sad one.]

Aw haystacks, it ain't coming back this time. Maybe I wasn't in this recording after all.

[He shakes his head, even sadder, shutting his eyes. He's so morose that the very hat on his head seems to slump.]

Or maybe that memory's just too far gone to get back.

[It's true that the sight of the author with a pet creature Fiddleford doesn't recognize is stirring up a vague, targetless sense of dread. Maybe this memory is so bad he double-erased it. Is that a thing? Could he have done that? Does he want to see the rest of this tape...?

McGucket lets out a heavy sigh, then perks up irrepressibly.]

Oh well! Whenever this was made, at least he wasn't going hungry! I can't tell if that's a plant or an animal, so it probably tastes like both!

[It's like getting two food groups at once!]

Edited 2017-12-02 15:38 (UTC)

[Ford can sense that the longer this goes on the more this situation is getting away from him, and he doesn't like feeling as though a given situation isn't completely under his control.]

Fiddleford. This isn't an old recording. This is happening now. I am talking to you now.

[He is not even going to begin to try and address everything wrong with speculating on how a Skrelp might taste. There's only so much he can deal with at once, alright, let him alone. Dank Weed for her part just blinks slowly, as though she hasn't quite processed what was said or has and isn't too bothered by it.]

[Why thank you. He sure thinks so. He adores all his pokemon like a fussy mother hen, really.]

Hell yeah, then! I knew they'd grow up strong! Morelull especially seems really determined, you know? I think it could kill a man, if it really wanted.

[But like, in the best possible way.]

There is a reason I named mine Destroying Angel. Morelull and Shiinotic are actually famous for their ability to drain energy from other life forms; I haven't personally read of any confirmed deaths, but that is a capability they possess.

[This place is fucking wild, kiddo.]

[There's a blank stare for a very long moment as Michael processes this information.]

... Yeah, that tracks.

Consider that they are Fairy types, and make ample use of abilities that put other Pokémon and humans to sleep. This world's version of a fairy ring is mobile and sentient, and therefore far more dangerous.

Oh. My. God.

[It hadn't occurred to him that it was a walking fairy ring but holy shit it totally is.]

I wonder if Morelull's spores make you dance until you die of exhaustion. You know, Hocus Pocus Style 'I put a spell on you' kinda shit.

... I don't believe they do. Typically a Pokémon's spores induce sleeping, poison or paralysis. Forced dancing is more the mark of a Psychic type.

[The real question is, was Hocus Pocus on the long list of movies Mabel forced him to watch to catch up on Earth culture? It's not ringing a bell, but there were a lot of movies.]

[Say whaaat? Another frown, another beardscratch. ]

Well, that's a funny thing to say on an old recording. I wonder why he did that?

[Then, slowly, with the air of someone who's just had a stroke of genius:]

--unless this ain't a recording at all!

[He better test it. That's the first order of business here. McGucket does a quick two-kick jig, then holds his foot up in front of the screen with the uncanny flexibility of a monkey. The wild grin is back, splashed across his face like a spilled bucket of raw milk.]

How many fingers am I holdin' up?

[He wiggles his toes, helpfully.]

Hey! Hey!

[The voice calls out from somewhere a little further back down the road. The source a small girl with long purple hair running full tilt to catch up with the person she'd spotted walking down the road minding their own business.

When she catches up, she pauses for a moment, leaning over to catch her breath before straightening up and grinning wide.]

You're a trainer, right? Awesome! [No, she's not even waiting for an answer.] Hey, wanna have a battle? I'm new around here but I've been dying to try it out!

I'm afraid I only know New Bark Town by reputation, but I believe the nearest library is a three day journey away, unless you'd like to break into dear Professor Elm's laboratory.

[Which, please do. If nothing else the fallout promises to be absolutely hilarious.]

Am I correct in assuming you're seeking help with your- ah. Inquisitive little companion there, or just information regarding your rather unexpected journey? Because if it's the latter I think you'll find the network quite more forthcoming with answers.

A stunning deduction, truly. I can't wait to see how you follow it up.

Uh...?

[The good news is, Rakka's not too terribly fast, the bad news being she was right in the middle of feeding her Dodrio a few pokepuffs.]

A battle, now? Well... [She looks to her starter Pokemon, only one of the three heads seems to be paying any sort of attention, and gives an always-helpful squawk.] I guess I could give it a go, but I don't battle very much.

It's quite a bit of a walk to the nearest one.

[ He sounds a little amused, but at the same time, he admires her desire to find a library first. ]

Perhaps you could take a bit of time to enjoy the sights as you make your way there? It isn't going anywhere, after all.

action
[ ... isn't this a surprise. Akechi isn't necessarily complaining, but the overall experience of waking up here leaves a few things to be desired. Namely, the fact that it's kind of cold, and that--

... Nevermind. Ugh. Akechi'll just have to deal with that later. He has more things to worry about, anyway, including the fact that he has a companion. ]

Well, best to be on our way. Isn't that right?

[ He addresses the pokemon carefully, and he takes a good look around. There are quite a few people here... maybe it's you he addresses when he walks over. ]

Excuse me, could you answer a few questions?

network
[ So, Akechi's been here a good while, and he's gathered enough info to have several questions. It's fairly late at night, but he's sure that won't deter anyone from answering. ]

If you could change one thing about this place, what would it be? Personally, the music can be quite grating, especially when one is trying to think. Usually, I wouldn't complain, but I'm not one to appreciate my thoughts' being interrupted.

More than that, however, I've been--like most of you, I'm sure--inconvenienced by these Team Rocket members. Many of them are easy enough to defeat in battle, and yet they're particularly tenacious. It's annoying, isn't it? I imagine there's been action taken to hinder their activities, but they keep causing trouble for everyone here. But for every few weakling grunts, there are several stronger ones. It's interesting, isn't it?

... Pardon me, I rambled a bit there. Impressive feat, considering this is only text. Essentially what I'm getting at is if one were to go about taking care of the issue, how would you suggest doing so?

I realize it's a risk openly defying such a group of people, and I'm effectively painting a target on my back. But the risk will be well worth the reward, don't you think?

NOVEMBER-DECEMBER TEST DRIVE MEME

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Old Man McGucket | Subliminal Messages: The Children's Show | Network/Accidental Video | I Apologize

rip in fuck

welcome to hell welcome to hell welcome to hell welcome to hell welcome t

this is going swimmingly already huh

fabulously, what a heartwarming reunion

weed will help

Hermione Granger [Network | Video]

I'm sorry, Dank Weed, but you'll see him in your nightmares

this is a Bad Trip

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at least he's making....progress?? this is progress.

Yuuki Konno - Sword Art Online (the good part)

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video

Goro Akechi | Persona 5 | November and December spoilers possible