JANUARY - FEBRUARY TEST DRIVE MEME

[indigo_league]

➞ Post with a character you wish to test drive in this game's setting.
➞ Tag other people's starters and thread out shenanigans!
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➞ Have fun!

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CHECK OUT ALL THE LOCATIONS WE HAVE AVAILABLE IN:

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Comments

[stratezeitgeist]

Few men are truly in charge of his own fate. Even, nay, especially when said place is a metaphorical privy. [Or did Eridan mean the butthole. The mysteries never end.]

'Tis the natural course of things to try to take the reigns, however.

[He grins]

And you happen to have stumbled upon a very useful store of information. I do well to memorize near-everything I hear!

[unconchonable]

[Eridan half pays attention to what Alphinaud says, mainly because he doesn't come right out and says he knows shit about what the hapless prince requested.

As much as Eridan loves validation in his perceived struggles—blame falling to anyone but him is about as good as it gets sometimes—he's much more interested in his question being answered.]

You don't say. Well, fuckin' spill it—Or are you lookin' for a formal fuckin' inwitation here?

[Impatiently he gestures for Alphinaud to get on with it.]

[stratezeitgeist]

[He abso-fucking-lutely is looking for an inwitation]

Well, it wouldn't do to simply tell you aught that you already know! Do you have one of your own? That would be a good place to start.

[He is just, so goddamn smug looking on the video feed. His camera is set up on a desk, clearly in some sort of office space. An eevee hops into his lap.]

[unconchonable]

[The smugness is honestly grating on Eridan's nerves, but if this hoofbeast's ass has anything valuable to share, he supposes he can suffer him for a little longer. Maybe.]

Well maybe you should tell me how long you'we ewen been here for. For all I know, you could a' just been told the basics and you think you're some know-it-all hotshot, what with how you seem to be so bloody proud a' yourself.

I got two a' my own, eff-why-aye.

[When the Eevee jumps up, slightly into view, it clearly catches Eridan's attention.]

... What's that one?

[stratezeitgeist]

[He pets it, looking rather like a cheesy villain in his office chair.]

This is an Eevee, the "evolution" Pokémon. It has a myriad of other creatures it may turn into, under the right conditions. I plan to see if I can coax a new evolution out of my companion here based on the evolutions of others.

[The Eevee seems amenable enough to him. Alphinaud casually dodges the question about how long he's been here. That's less important than the quality of his research in that time, thanks.]

What two do you have?

[unconchonable]

Is that all it's good for? Like, are those other evolutions kickass or some shit? Or are they just for show?

[As if on cue, his Snivy climbs up Eridan's scarf, from behind, nearly choking him in the process. If Eridan was trying to convey some sense of dignity, it's all but lost with that unexpected display.

The Snivy, on the other hand, perches arrogantly on his owner's shoulder, as if he hadn't just tried to choke him out via his shitty scarf. With an offered glare at the leafy reptile, Eridan looks back to the feed.]

This fuckin' piece a' shit is lucky he's of use... Anyway, this is my Sniwy.

[Snivy is what he means, but you know, accents and all.]

I'd show you the other one, but quite frankly, I don't think your inferior pan can handle its majesty.

[That is to say, Eridan would rather blow smoke outta his own ass about how cool his trubbish is, than actually show the thing off to anyone. Thoughts of throwing it into a dumpster and never looking back are far more recurrent than daily, to say the least.]

[stratezeitgeist]

The literature assures me that they are all quite powerful in their own right. There are eight known, each commanding a different element.

[His lip quirks as the "Sniwy" chokes him momentarily.] A handsome specimen, to be sure.

[Inferior... pan? Well. Between context and dealing with beast tribes, Alphinaud is at least well enough equipped not to be confused. Though.]

I believe my pan is far more than sufficient. I trust my name means little here, but I am hardly a common uneducated fool.

[More like a highly educated, uncommon fool. But moving along]

Pray show it to me then, if the creature is truly as majestic as you say, would you not wish to know all you could about it?

[unconchonable]

Sounds like a conwoluted waste a time. By the time you got all of 'em, you could hawe trained somethin' better.

[The Snivy definitely preens at being called handsome. Why thank you, Alphinaud, he might actually spare you a glance. Feel honored, he barely even looks at Eridan most the time.]

Yeah, whatewer, don't fluff his ego, he hardly fuckin' needs it.

[Moving along, he scoffs.]

I dunno, last sandsucker I showed this guy to couldn't handle it. Nearly blew out his innards tryin' to wrap his pan around how bloody fuckin' AWESOME it is.

[Or, it could have been the smell, but you know, whatever!]

[stratezeitgeist]

My aim is not to get all of them— I'm studying its evolution. [was this guy even really listening? Oh well.]

[Blew out his innards.... What a colorful vocabulary on this... boy. Anyway, this is such obvious horseshit, Alphinaud thinks but precisely in those words.]

How magnanimous of you to spare others such a grisly fate. [he smiles] Perhaps you should just describe it to me. [Alphinaud picks up his pen, ready to jot notes and sketch whatever comes out of this guy's mouth.]

Doubly so should you believe you have discovered a new species. One deserving of the ego-fluffing you are so willingly bestowing upon it.

[unconchonable]

Yeah, whatewer. Point remains.

[...FUCK.

Eridan pauses, as if thinking the most thoughtful of thoughts, but truth be told he's panicking trying to think of a really kickass way to describe his trubbish...

Or, maybe something else entirely.]

Well, that works. You gonna take notes, I guess?

[yeah, he's stalling.]

[stratezeitgeist]

Aye, that is indeed the purpose of my pen and paper.

[smile] Go on, then. My mind awaits your telling of its splendor.

[unconchonable]

Right.

[Eridan clears his throat, straightening his scarf, before continuing in a casual tone, as if he isn't lying straight out of his nook.]

Well, it's like a scalebeast—no arms and no legs—just big as shit feathery wings. It almost has a head like a person, but instead of a normal face, there's no definin' features beyond its horrific fuckin' maw and the sharp as fuck teeth protrudin' from it. Lookin' at it directly ain't gonna garner you much in terms of details neither, 'cos they're likely gonna be tryin' to eat your fuckin' face off before you can ewen discern its color, beyond the fact that it mowes far too quick for the untrained eye to track.

So, you know, like some kinda serpent with flapbeast wings, and a person head. I'm sure it ain't like nothin' you'we seen here yet.

[Eridan, that's because you just described the angels on your planet, you absolute moron.]

Lettin' it outta its ball all flippant like is askin' for disaster, so not only is it a sight to fuckin' behold, but I ain't lookin' to have to worry about the unceasin' destruction it can afford and will ultimately deliwer to the surroundin' area. I'm sure you can understand.

[AW YEAH, TAKE THAT PERFECT LIE AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, ALPHILOSER!!]