ohmyarceus | March-April Test Drive Meme

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[They told her not to go into the tall grass, but she's been going into the tall grass all her life. You can't stop a hunter from going into the grass! That's where all the good prey is!

Or Pokemon, for that matter. Sasha's sneaking up on a nice decent level Pidgey, wanting one she can at least fly on later, but suddenly the flock flutters and scatters off because there's a sound both them and Sasha pick up before the perpetrator actually shows on the scene.]

Oh my gods! [Sasha groans, faltering forward onto her knees in defeat, head hanging low. This is the third time that this has happened today. Third time. She been nice for too long.] Could you please stop following me?

[The Deerling makes a little noise, but it's a mystery if it's a sound of disappointment or a complete no Pokemon-style. Whatever it is, the Pokemon creeps closer to Sasha and noses at her arm. Come on, human. Accept it! Train it! Be the very best like no one ever was!]

I said please stop following me. I don't know what you are... [A deer with a funny hat.] ...or what you want, but please stop following me.

[Little Deerling does nothing of the sort except stomp its foot in the dirt. Well, this must be an adamant nature one. Just her luck. She's going to call it Jean.]

Okay, but when I turn you into dinner, don't say I didn't warn you.

[With Sasha, that's an actual threat.]

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[The feed starts out in a blur of darkness, though on the very edges of the screen, one can pick out what seems to be natural sunlight. And it is, once the person holding the device pulls it away from her chest shows that a young girl with her brown hair tucked up in a ponyail is perched on a rock somewhere in a forested area. The city part seemed a little too busy and overwhelming for Sasha, a girl who was raised in the woods, so she's more comfortable here even though confusion is still practically slathered all over her face. She's holding a handful of colorful berries in her hand--blue, yellow, pink and green striped, you name it, she has at least enough of them to make one Pokemon very happy.

Yet she's sitting here staring at them, practically drooling.]

Good afternoon! [Oh, wait, the camera's upside down. Give her a second to learn how to live with technology. And indoor plumbing. And electricity!] A lady gave me these berries and told me they were for my Pokemon, but it doesn't want them.

[She swivels a bit and flips the camera towards a brown and beige deerlike animal to her right. Deerlike only because it has weird yellow lines and spots of which Sasha's never seen on an actual deer before and an even weirder flower thing on its head. She hold out the pink and green striped berry to the Deerling who snorts and turns its head away. How rude.

But back to the bigger problem at hand: Sasha's own hunger.]

So I can have them instead, right?

Ah, Sasha, you can't! Don't eat those!

[Seeing a familiar face on the gear was somewhat unexpected, and in a moment, Armin will definitely feel pleased and ready to give her all the information her heart might desire (and lets be honest here, probably a lot more than she ever asked for) but first, there is one super, very important thing to make sure of.

Sasha cannot eat those berries.]

Armin!

[Well, that's a face she certainly did not expect to see here. Sasha could go on and on about where and when she last saw Armin, but that can come later. Later when he's not telling her she can't do something her heart and stomach desires the most.

She frowns at the screen, down to the berries, and then back up at him.]

Why not? It's not like I picked them off a strange bush somewhere.

[No, she just picked them off a strange lady somewhere. A gigantic difference.]

[That is hardly a difference at all!]

Those berries aren't like the ones we have back where we are from. They are fine for your pokemon to eat, but when eaten by a human the effects are... not very pleasant to say the least.

[It's a major difference! You city people just don't get it.]

Like what? A stomachache? I'm okay with having a stomachache if I'm not hungry anymore.

[And now she's opening her mouth in preparation of popping one right on in...]

That one will give you several hours of severe gastro-intestional distress.

[Do you want the shits, Sasha? Because that is what this comes down to.]

[Well, that pulls Sasha up short if just for a second, but not for the reason Armin was aiming for.]

Gastro-what?

[You can't go around dropping big words on her like that if you're trying to warn her, Armin. She's not the 104th bookworm like you.]

[Perhaps an example would work best.]

Do you remember that time during training when you found that spoiled cabbage the instructors had tossed out?

Yes. Yes, I do.

[Oh, how could Sasha forget that three day sickfest after she stole that cabbage? She thought she was safe if she just picked off the brown and slimy parts, but the fact of the matter is that without cooking it, she just made the entire situation worse for herself. The farts were bad enough. No one wanted to sit next to her in the mess hall. Not even Connie. Everything else that came along with it made Sasha consider how bad death by Titan mouth could be.]

Is that what's going to happen if I eat this one? [She's frowning at the berry again, looking like she's considering eating it anyway.] But I don't want it to go to waste.

[That's the worst crime of all, wasting food.]

Yes. Possibly even worse.

[Honestly, Armin understands not wanting to waste food. Both of them had felt the effects of the food shortages after the wall had fallen, but he doesn't think it is wise for her to make herself sick over it.]

The berries keep remarkably well. Your pokemon might be hungry for it later. And if it really doesn't like it, I can trade you some of mine. There must be at least one kind it will enjoy.

[Is that a whine? That's totally a whine. But at least she puts the berries back into the backpack that lady who claimed to be her mother gave her. Sure, Sasha tried to tell her exactly what happened to her real mom, but... whatever. At least the backpack is useful.

So was the box lunch inside of it which met a swift end as soon as Sasha discovered it.]

Do you have a Pokemon too? Is it like mine?

[And speaking of hers, enjoy that surprise shot of Deerling snoot in the camera as Sasha yells about it being rude again.]

[Good, Sasha, good. You've made the right choice. If you had devoured those berries, why you might go from potato girl to berry girl. Not an upgrade at all, huh?]

I do. We've been here for a while now so I have several now. In fact, I had one like yours too, though he has evolved now.

[Armin doesn't look exactly smug, because Armin doesn't do smug. But he does look very pleased with himself.

Really, he ought to show her. He goes through his pokeballs for a moment, before selecting one, and releasing the creature inside. Where Sasha's deerling is only a foal, his sawsbuck stands a proper adult. Honestly, with the dark coat and white fluff around his neck, he looks downright regal.]

I got him as a gift and he evolved several weeks ago. This is--

[He yelps when the big sawsbuck, really not to concerned with looking regal, sticks his snout down the back of Armin's shirt, snuffing at his neck and licking it.]

S-Sandy, don't!

[Look, as long as Jean doesn't see her eating said berries, no one will call her Berry Girl, alright? You wouldn't do that, Armin. You're too nice.

Once she nudges the foal out of the way, Sasha peers at the amount of Pokeballs Armin's collected. She only has two of the five balls she started out with, the rest gone on failed Pidgey captures. She isn't surprised he has that many Pokemon, though. Armin was always good at strategy.]

You have a lot... Which means Armin's been here a while, right? How long have you been here?

[Though she doesn't immediately expect an answer to her question once she sees the Sawsbuck go against its regal appearance and make a salt lick out of Armin. Besides, she has a better question to ask now.]

You named it Sandy?

[One look at the foal next to her and Sasha has made a easy decision. ]

You're not a horse, but I'm going to call you Jean.

[Someone please tell Sasha that this Deerling is a girl. She hasn't had a chance to check the undercarriage.]

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I've been told that if you eat them, it'll make you pretty sick. Haven't tried it myself, but there's your warning.

[ Part of her is curious enough that she doesn't want to stop her, but the other part (we'll call that "her conscience") is telling her that it's not acceptable to let someone run into a bout of serious diarrhea or something just to satiate her curiosity.

Jill pauses, looking at the the pokemon -- not that it's obvious in text. ]

I guess different pokemon like different flavors, just like people do. Could be that those are too bitter or too sweet or sour or something.

how sick is sick

[Forgive Sasha for her lack of proper punctuation. When you grow up in the backwoods of the country, grammar doesn't quite become your strong suit.]

so it should still eat it. you cant be picky when its food. it must want to starve

[People (and Pokemon) who outright refuse to eat things just because of the flavor is beyond her. Just close your eyes and hold your nose and shove it down your gullet. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, right?]

Edited 2017-03-22 12:06 (UTC)

Like vomit, diarrhea, stomach cramps, the whole nine yards.

[ She's proper for the sake of it, but she doesn't care enough to scold anyone or anything like that. If it's legible, that's all it takes. ]

If you'll come out of it less nourished, you shouldn't eat it. Honestly, if you're around any town people basically shove food at you. My curiosity about the berries isn't enough that I want to spend a few days shitting when I could be traveling, you know?

[ This is Jill you're talking to. While she loves a good steak, she will gladly eat the mystery meat and drink the local weird fermented alcohol made partially with spit. ]

maybe thats just a story to keep all the berries to themselves

[Or maybe, Sasha, it's the truth and you can't keep putting everything you see into your mouth. In honestly, she knows better. She knows that nature isn't always kind and some things just shouldn't be eaten. But this is a new world and everything seems different. Maybe the rules are too.]

the lady who said she was my mom gave me a lunch but i ate it already and the nut stuff too. are they going to make me pay for food for me

Could be, but there have been first-hand stories I've heard about it. I don't think they'd lie about something like that, but that'd be one interesting conspiracy.

Dunno. Depends on the person? I've got plenty of free food. Pokemon Centers seem to be extremely generous if you're in a pinch, but that doesn't help if you're in the middle of the woods.

I'd save it as your last resort if you're really determined.

[Behind the girl and the Deerling, the grass rustles. It is a predator, the fiercest, most horrifying predator known to all of Pokedom. Pokemothers tell their Pokebabies about this monster at night, when the little ones are resisting going to bed. "Go to sleep," they say, "or the Death Ball will get you." And then the Pokebabies cry and run for their beds, where they stay awake shivering all night.]

[Yes, the Death Ball stalks the plains of the PokeKingdom, raining down horror on whoever dares cross his path. Those that do seldom live to tell of the encounter, leaving only their empty Pokeballs and the faint whiff of ozone behind them. The Death Ball does not linger over his vanquished rivals, preferring instead to speed along to the next victim.]

[The girl and her Deerling are doomed. They just don't realize it yet.]

[Behind them, the grass rustles again, and parts, exposing one bright, squinting eye against a field of white. It is the Death Ball of legend, come to hasten them to their graves.]

Edited 2017-03-15 09:47 (UTC)

[Sasha hears the grass rustling, but for the moment, she ignores it because arguing with the Deerling seems to be more important. Besides, it's probably just another Pidgey that will get chased off as long as this Pokemon keeps shoving its snoot in her face.

Or rather, on her face, as it runs its cold wet nose across her jawline, making Sasha shudder in disgust.]

Ugh, stop that!

[She wipes the streak of Deerling spit off her cheek with her shirt sleeve, frowning all the way. Never has Sasha seen a creature so insistent on being so stubborn. Doesn't it know she's a hunter? The greatest hunter this side of Wall Maria? Doesn't it know that not only will she shove it into these tiny red and white balls people have given her for free, but she'll crack said ball open like an egg and fry the Deerling up?

She's considering various ways of how to get such a big creature inside such a small space when a flock of Pidgeys suddenly flutter up into the sky and far away from her and Deerling. It's almost like someone (or something) scared them off. This just adds to Sasha's frustration and her hand holding the Pokeball drops into her lap.]

Look at what you did now. I don't know what you did, but stop doing it. How am I supposed to catch another Pokemon if you keep scaring them off?

[Poor Deerling. It whines a bit because it's innocent! It's not whatever creep is lurking in the bushes!]

[They suspect nothing. The Deerling has perhaps gotten a prickle of fear, running up its spine, but the girl has no idea. Her senses are weak, like all humans, and she doesn't yet know of the legend of the Death Ball.]

[She will learn. But her knowledge will come at a great price, and her only solace will be the short amount of time she'll have to suffer.]

[The Death Ball shifts, starts to roll forward. He will even allow the grass to crunch and crackle under his rolling belly as he moves forward. He will be generous today, and give the girl and her Deerling a sporting chance. It will avail them not, but they've caught the Death Ball in a good mood today, and so their lives will be extended by a few minutes.]

[If the Deerling could talk, it would probably scream out a warning or five about the encroaching enemy in the grass, but alas, it doesn't aside from maybe its name and a bunch of snorts and whines. This works out terribly for Sasha for she has no clue what's about to happen to her. Her former life didn't train her to deal with strange creatures such as Pokemon.

The crunching pulls her attention away from Deerling and onto its source where Sasha glances over in the direction the sound has come from. The Pidgeys have all flown away so it can't be them (unless it's one slow Pidgey who doesn't realize his own kind has abandoned him.) Maybe it's a person? Another human who can tell her how to best handle a Pokemon that won't leave her alone?

But no, it's not a person, but a Pokeball? A pretty big one, one that looks big enough to fit a Deerling comfortably. Sasha glances at the small one in her hand and back at the ball somebody must have dropped and then back at Deerling. The choice is clear. Never turn down a freebie Pokeball.]

Well, look, if you're not going to listen to me, you can just get into this ball where you belong. It's bigger than the others so you'll have room in there.

[She's far too busy with lecturing Deerling on it's rude behavior to really see that this Pokeball has eyes. Eyes that are steely and watching her every move as she gets up to reach for it, unknowingly stepping into her own execution chamber. Someone please save her! She is a good person! She doesn't deserve this!]

[What? WHAT?! The fuck is going on here! She thinks the Death Ball is a Pokeball? A POKEBALL?!]

[The Death Ball crackles loudly, and the Deerling probably understands the several curses he spits at the human girl in Pokemon language. When the girl reaches out to touch him, the Death Ball unleashes a curse from the heavens, splitting the world asunder and proclaiming his vengeance on all those who would dare doubt him.]

[A line of electricity arcs from Blitz's surface to Sasha's hand and lands with a loud popping sound. No touch the Death Ball.]

[Well, if it looks like a Pokeball, rolls like a Pokeball, etc. and so on and so forth into infinity.

But the grumbling only comes a second before the zap, a second too late, and Sasha jumps back from the shock, eyes wide open.]

Owww.

[Deerling whines and stomps again, but this time, there's no complaining note to it. No, this time it sounds angry. How dare you hurt her human, you bootleg Pokeball?! Sure, said human has scolded her and hasn't really paid attention to her needs, but there's a learning process with these two legged creatures. That's not the point! The point is how very dare you!

Sasha shakes her hand, hoping to get that tingling feeling out of her fingers. That was weird. Maybe it was static electricity. Maybe it was... nope, she notices the eyes now. That is definitely not a Pokeball. It's so much not a Pokeball that Deerling cuts in between it and Sasha, looking like it wants a fight and for the moment Sasha lets her.]

What is that?!

[That's right, human, feel the wrath of the Death Ball! Try to touch it again, and you'll get more of the same!]

[Blitz narrows his eyes in a squint that should look very familiar to Sasha, considering who he learned it from. This is one very mouthy Deerling, standing up to the Death Ball in such a bold fashion. If the Death Ball were feeling merciful today, he'd let such insubordination stand.]

[He is not feeling merciful. The Death Ball is many things, but merciful is not among them.]

[Blitz lunges forward, readying an attack that would almost certainly one-shot the lower level Deerling, but he draws up short when someone shouts from behind him.]

Blitz, don't you dare!

[Blitz rocks back and rolls his eyes, turning and crackling grumpily at the human who spills out from the underbrush.]

You know the rules, unless the trainer challenges me you can't just go attacking whoever...

[Jean stops, his eyes widening as he sees exactly who Blitz had been menacing.]

Sasha?

TEST DRIVE MEME

Sasha Braus | Attack on Titan

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action; Sasha gets to meet the deathball

action; o shit it's the deathball! have mercy, deathball!

action; the deathball is not familiar with this concept of mercy

action; deathball please. you aren't as much of a badass as you're convinced you are

action; YES HE IS YOU KNOW NOTHING

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