TEST DRIVE MEME

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[Okay, see, that sounds about as natural as...

...Well, actually, it sounds about as natural as he does most of the time. Still. That doesn't mean he can't tell when someone else is acting off. Not that he's got a clue as to why. Maybe she's just like that? Yeah. Probably just like that.]

Oh, uh... You sure? I mean, not that you don't look capable or something! But you seem new and I just figured, hey, maybe you could use a hand. Or... something.

[He's getting closer. Fiona is not at all buying the awkward 'oh, i'm just here to help' act. It's fishy. She reaches in to her backpack and finds a strange small red and white ball. She has no clue what she's supposed to do with it but having something to throw is better than not having any weapon. She holds it in her hand, keeping it by her hip just in case Jack makes a move.]

I've got two hands. Pretty much all the hands I'm going to need at the moment. Thanks for the offer but you might want to keep on walking by. Probably the best for the both of us.

[Ooookay, the fact that she took out a pokeball makes him just a little nervous. Oh god, what if she has something super powerful in there? Aw geez, that'd be just his luck.]

Er... Okay. Didn't mean anything by it, I just... know it sucks ending up here all of a sudden, that's all.

Just um... Yeah. Didn't mean to bug you? Sorry. I mean, I'm not, like, up to anything shady or whatever. If... that's what you're worried about.

[Or maybe she wasn't worried about that until he decided to bring up the possibility, in which case, hey, way to go genius.

Still kind of nervously eying that pokeball, cause... that's probably the closest thing to a weapon available here, let's be honest.]

[Fiona watches as he babbles awkwardly, glancing down at her hand every so often. Now, she never really had a chance to meet Handsome Jack face to face before - but this seems way out of character for him. Where was that infamous charisma she'd heard about? He almost sounded like Rhys, strangely enough.

Still very suspicious. She wasn't going to let her guard down that easily.]

Hey, a little advice. If you don't want someone to suspect that you're up to something shady, maybe you could start by not stumbling over your words. And what's with all the apologizing? That makes me even less certain you're on the level.

Right. Yeah, that's... fair. And uh, right, so-- I mean. I get like that sometimes, I'm just trying to make sure there's no misunderstandings, that's all.

[Meaning... he's just this much of an awkward dork.

At least not nearly as awkward as when he's actually trying to act like Jack, though.]

Trying not to, y'know, piss people off and all.

Uh huh. Right.

[This is bizarre. He looks like Jack, sounds like him, but he's not acting like the asshole she knows. Nothing on this planet was making a lot of sense.]

Do you piss people off on a regular basis? Is this a common theme in your life?

I mean, not so much me, but my boss, sure.

...People being pissed in my general direction and shooting at me, though, yeah. Yeah, that's definitely a theme. I mean, not that the shooting part's gonna happen here, since this sure is no Pandora, but uh. Still.

Your....boss.

[Ok, that adds to the weirdness. Handsome Jack was the big head honcho of Hyperion. Every Pandoran knew that. Which could only mean one thing.]

You're not Handsome Jack, are you?

...Oh.

You're from Pandora.

[His face falls a little and he just... breathes for a moment. Not quite a sigh, but close to one. Well, this explains a bunch. Definitely doesn't feel great, still, being mistaken for Jack, even if that's his entire job.]

Yeah, uh, I'm... not, no.

I'm just a guy with the best job in the galaxy. [The sarcasm levels are off the charts here.] I'm his body double.

[Fiona takes a moment to look him up and down. The similarities are striking but there is the fact that he isn't wearing that weird face mask. Plus, he's not dead. Always a bonus when it comes to life around Jack.]

If you want my opinion you aren't doing your job very well. Isn't the whole point of a body double to keep the other guy from dying? Yeah - it's a good thing he's gone since I'd hate to see what his reaction to that would be. So, do you have a name or should I just start calling you Notjack?

Um. What? [What's this about Jack being gone now? Because uh... no, really, what?] Don't really know what you're talking about, Jack's definitely around? I just talked to him the other day.

[And he seriously doubts Jack's gotten himself killed since then, soooo... What gives.]

And, ah... I mean, y'know, legally I'm not allowed to tell you my name. But, well... Not like Hyperion's here anyway, so...

It's Timothy.

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