ohmyarceus | SEPTEMBER - OCTOBER TEST DRIVE MEME

A - i have hands and teeth and the ability to create mayhem and that's It

[You were probably just here to enjoy Goldenrod's National Park, whether to relax in a little sea of green nestled in the big city, or maybe even here for the bug catching context. You know, normal people things.]

[Just, watch out and maybe duck as an actual three foot fucking wasp is flung past you into a tree.]

[This Beedrill is Not having a good time, but it buzzes back up into the air with full rage. While whoever was unfortunately nearby gets to stare at this latest round of bullshit, the bushes nearby rustle.]

[Out steps a man missing an eye, clearly running on a very questionable amount of sleep, with a large rock he is absolutely using to threaten this giant murder wasp. Trying to push inbetween his legs is a tiny male Nidoran, a little beat up but still valiantly trying to be a part of this fight as he reaches out with one foot for a couple of little stomps.]

[Still in the bushes is the sound of a Tepig desperately squeaking and squealing as it tries to get involved because This Sure Is Happening. Dimitri doesn't pay it much mind, instead still focused on the Beedrill and.... oh, is that. a person nearby?? Hm.]

....You will want to move.

[He is going to punch a wasp in the face and the Goddess can't stop him.]

B - your man thinks caramelizing onions is putting caramel on them

[The place: literally any route with grass growing along it.]

[The scene: that same blond one eyed viking from earlier, crouched down, gesturing angrily at something vaguely like a dandelion, while a small fire pig frowns at him.]

They are edible. All things in nature are capable of being eaten, and I have eaten similar plants in Faerghus-

[His Tepig makes a small upset noise. Dimitri can absolutely Not understand him, but he still glowers as if he were told off in any sort of human language.]

You eat them.

[Tepig makes a small couple of smacks against the grass with his hoof, before he realizes someone is nearby. He makes a couple of squeals, trying to get their attention.]

[Listen, a third party is clearly needed to convince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd to not eat fucking grass.]

C - might fuck around and let nature reclaim me

[It's pouring. There's the light of a Pokecenter just down the road. Ideally, one would be sprinting as fast as possible in that direction. However, perhaps in that attempt at sprinting, and with the downpour as heavy as it is, one almost - or definitely - runs into Dimitri, hunched over as he slowly walks... almost like he's in pain.]

[Or maybe you just stumble across this hot mess. Who knows.]

[Dimitri isn't in pain, is the good news, and he's not injured. What he's doing is using as much as his body and his enormous blue cloak (fur included, unfortunately for him) to shield the Tepig he's holding close to his chest.]

[Whoever is near him - apparently running into him doesn't seem to bother Dimitri much or even budge him - gets a narrow eyed glare.]

....Where would one purchase those - coverings for the rain?

[He's talking about raincoats, although he wouldn't be opposed to umbrellas either.]

[All that squealing does attract attention! Adult, usually responsible attention! This is Tepig's lucky day.

But obviously not Cecil's, because he just stumbled on a one-eyed viking holding a dandelion, and even by this place's standards that's a bit weird. Nevertheless, he approaches slowly, making sure to stay within Dimitri's field of view.]

Is... everything fine here? Are you in need of assistance?

[Is he talking to the Pokémon, or to the human? Yes.]

[Listen, Cecil.... This is what you get for trying to be helpful. Dimitri and the Tepig both look up at the interloper, Dimitri with his eye narrowed.]

...We are having a culinary disagreement.

[DIMITRI THAT IS SURE A WAY TO DESCRIBE YOU TRYING TO EAT WEEDS. The Tepig's flat stare seems to hint at this exasperation quite well.]

A... culinary disagreement.

[Please let it not be what he thinks it is. Please. Not that he's in the best position to talk, considering what he ate during his very week, but still.]

I'd not recommend eating wild plants without washing them, unless you've absolutely no other option. You never know what kind of Poison-type attack might have been used in the vicinity.

[Hopefully, this first step away from the weed-eating is sufficiently logical and harmless to be accepted.]

[The good news is that approaching this ridiculous bullshit in a perfectly practical manner is actually completely Dimitri's jam, and he pauses for a moment as he takes in Cecil's words.]

...I had considered the possibility of small bugs - [no not bug types, those are cheating] - and dirt covering the plants, but the use of poison.... That is something I had not thought of.

[And he puts the dandelion down. His Tepig looks more relieved than words can describe.]

How deeply does this poison sink...? I would think down to the soul, but this place is... strange.

[Good. All that experience teaching child mages which plants are safe to eat is good for something after all.]

That greatly depends on the moves involved. Poison Powder would be easy enough to wash away, at long as you do not mistake it for mere pollen, but sludge attacks tend to stick to the roots. We can at least assume that the local soil has not been contaminated by a Grimer; otherwise, there'd be no dandelions to be found at all.

[He'd take his Roselia out and ask her to pantomime a more detailed explanation, but for some reason he feels that admitting he trains an amateur poisoner would be a terrible idea right now. Thankfully, he has other options up his sleeve. Or, well, in his bag.]

If you've no food supplies, I can give you a Blissey egg. It makes for a very plain meal by itself, but it should be more nutritious than anything that could be foraged on this route and poison-free.

[That's even better than sugar-free!]

[Dimitri listens attentively, taking everything in. The knowledge of this world is strange, foreign, and he won't pass by an opportunity to learn more when he's directly interacted with. Honestly, he knows he should investigate more on his own, but...]

[The people of this place are so - frustrating. He's not treated as he feels he should be. Nothing makes sense. He just...]

[...Dimitri isn't sure what he wants.]

[But he can at least focus on the things in front of him, and right now that's Cecil. At the offer, he once again looks awkward.]

...What do you wish in return for it?

The knowledge that one man and one Tepig will not starve today is 'payment' enough, as far as I'm concerned.

[Even if it was not, Dimitri doesn't look like he'd have much to offer, but Cecil would rather swallow his tongue than say that out loud.

As he speaks, he starts shuffling through his bag and takes out Noelle the Blissey's pokéball. Instead of throwing it, he gently sends it rolling to the side, ensuring that Dimitri won't have to deal with a Blissey suddenly popping up in his personal space.]

However, I'd also accept proper introductions, if you are willing. My name is Cecil Harvey, and this is Noelle.

[Smiling, the Blissey waves.]

[That doesn't seem like enough... and honestly, it feels like a long time since proper introductions have mattered at all. Still, Dimitri understands. He gives a slow nod.]

I am Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd... and this is Dean.

[Newly named, despite them having traveled together for some time... but listen.]

I.... Thank you. Food is not something easy to give away...

Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd - Fire Emblem: Three Houses

B. A single dandelion is not a proper salad!

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A

1/3 rosalyn you don't deserve this

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C

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