ohmyarceus | MISTLETOE MEME!

[ PUCKER UP and stand on your tippie toes 'cause he tall ]

[ Slooooowly pushes Walter forward ]

[ WALTER SO CUTE.

Rhys'll just sliiiip over with a mistletoe in hand, dangling it above both of their heads. ] Walteeeerrrrr...

[ And then he'll just...give this face that maybe is a little seductive if you look at it? Rhys is definitely asking for kisses when he's not asking for kisses. And he's doing this to poor Walter, of all people.

Yup, this is happening! ]

Walter hadn't expected this. He knew of some Christmas traditions, such as mistletoe, but had never taken part in any of them. Especially mistletoe. Add that to the look Rhys is giving him and Walter couldn't help freezing up a little.

"Rhys...what are you doing with that...?"

Does...

...he not know?

Wow. Rhys.

His face kind of goes blank, and turns the shade of a tomato. Rhys lowers the little sprig, not even daring to look him in the eyes. His entire world right now is one of humiliation, and he kind of just wants to turn around and leave while he at least has some ego intact.

"We're...y'know. Nothing. It's nothing. Just showing off my mistletoe!" He waves it around, offering a very weak smile.

Oh no, Walter knew. But Walter also had never been kissed in his life by anyone ever, so the prospect of someone wanting to kiss him was enough to blindside him. Combined with the look Rhys had given him, it was almost inevitable that he would lock up.

At the change from Rhys, he glances up at the mistletoe again.

"You- Oh. You didn't want a kiss." He felt a little stupid assuming that, but still couldn't quite shake off the feeling that Rhys had... "It's nice."

Oh my god so he did know.

Rhys' life right now is one of utter embarrassment.

"N-no! I, I did. Want a kiss." He smiles weakly and dangles the mistletoe again. "I thought I'd just...y'know. Not be a total sap and come in begging for one?" Or something like that. Rhys just kind of wants to disappear right now and not return for the next half century or so.

"I'll just...go."

Walter's expression is one of total shock. Rhys...wanted to kiss him??

"N-no, I just-" He swallowed, taking a breath to form the words in his head. "Nobody's wanted to kiss me before. I haven't been kissed." He admitted quietly, avoiding looking at Rhys.

He didn't know what to do. He wasn't adverse to this at all, but he really didn't know what to do and the situation isn't one he could- he had imagined often, when he was alive and holding onto hope, being held by someone. Kissing and often forms of affection were fleeting thoughts, often hastily shoved from his mind as impossible.

Ooh, this this explained a lot! Rhys feels himself blushing like an idiot. "N-never before? At all?"

He wasn't surprised. But he was! Walter was a nice looking guy; there had to be someone in that weird world of his that at least tried to give him a kiss once. All that angel stuff with the weirdo cult put to the side. But apparently not?

Rhys swallows hard, before looking to Walter with a bashful look. "You....do you want to find out? What it's like?"

Walter shook his head. When he was younger he liked to imagine that maybe his mother had kissed him once, before she left after he was born. But he had no way to know.

It didn't help that he had bad experiences in trying to approach people and his cult upbringing had included a very warped idea of sexual education, focusing on keeping the orphans terrified of sins and preventing them (especially Walter as the chosen Conjurer) from forming strong bonds with each other. It was easier to break an isolated, lonely child than one with a network of friends.

At Rhys' suggestion however, he shyly nodded. He did want to know. And he trusted that Rhys wouldn't be taking advantage or trying to humiliate him. "I don't know what to do." He warned, as if that wasn't already obvious.

Ooh, this guy. This poor guy. Rhys offers him a smile and a shrug, lightly bumping shoulders with him. "Don't worry about it. Honestly I've kissed like..." A few people. Y'know. Girlfriends. "some people and you don't really know how to do it! It's like, you got these things shoved between your lips so what do you do, right?"

Rhys.

"Okay. So just...close your eyes. You don't even have to do anything."

So he'll wait until Walter's done that, and he'll lean in and press his lips gently against the other's!

Things shoved between lips? That only confused him slightly - was Rhys talking about tongues... - before he was told to close his eyes and that made it seem so simple. Walter only hesitated for a moment, searching Rhys' face before closing his eyes as instructed.

At the touch of Rhys' lips, he had to remind himself not to bite his own or jolt back from nerves. After a brief moment he tentatively pressed back, holding his wrists - he didn't know what to do with his hands so it seemed safest to hold himself back from doing anything wrong.

[ Rhys maybe instructed Walter to keep his eyes closed, but after a second or two he opens his own to take a peek. He looks so...nervous. That's not fair. Everybody got kissed; it was just part of how things went! How could you hold a guy back from even the simple pleasures of life?

He deepens the kiss, just a little, holding it there enough for him to gently take Walter's wrists and wrap them around Rhys' waist. ]

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Well look at you, Buttercup!

[Jack grins. Because Rhys sure is standing under a sprig of mistletoe. That's just hilarious. He kind of can't believe this tradition has apparently persisted on so many planets, it seems like it's just a socially sanctioned way to allow sexual harassment in the workplace, but whatever.]

[He can't let this opportunity go to waste. Yeah, sure, he's married and everything else, but it's just Rhys. He can do whatever the hell he wants with Rhys, if Nisha ever pops up again, she'll probably want to hear all about it. And the guy is basically inviting it. That's literally what mistletoe is for.]

[ Rhys is all happy that someone wants to come with him under the mistletoe! Until he sees who it is, and that smile on his face instantly dies. Absolute roadkill.

Rhys takes a few steps backwards, but the mistletoe magically follows him! Jack's not under it quite yet, so all he has to do is try to keep his distance and things will be fine! Just fine. And he won't have to remember things that happened before. His ego is damaged to the point of no return, more or less. ]

No.

....wow. Talk about a cold shoulder. Geeze, kick a guy while he's down, why dontcha?

[Rhys is literally retreating from him. What the hell does he think is gonna happen? Nothing more than what's already happened. Which...okay, so that covers a lot.]

[But still.]

Your sad widower best buddy just needs a little affection, and you're friggin running. What the hell, Rhys?

You can go get affection from other people! You know how many people I see watching you in Goldenrod every day? Like, it's a lot. So.

[ Rhys looks up and tries to swat at the mistletoe. No dice. ] S-so, why don't you go find them? Or dress your pillow up to look like Nisha and plant her one.

Has anybody ever told you that you're a shitty best friend before? Because you are.

[Jack crosses his arms and gives Rhys a dry look. He lifts an eyebrow, cocking his head at Rhys as he goes on.]

....wow. Ya know, kiddo, it says a lot about you that 'dressing up a pillow to make out with' is one of the first things you jumped to. I mean...wow.

I'd accuse you of sad virginity again but obviously I can't. Plus yu're way too good in bed to have never done it before. But...pillows? Really?

[Who the hell was Rhys dressing his pillows up like, anyway?]

I'm, I'm not shitty...[ That's not what Vaughn would say...

Rhys is trying to huff and puff and seem like a tough guy, but it's hard when your old boss is reminding you of past times you really don't want to remember. He's trying to get rid of this stupid goddamn mistletoe, but it's not working! Nothing is! ] And it's just a thing that came to mind. It doesn't mean anything!

A-and let's not...talk about that. Ever. I don't care.

What, uh, what about that lady from the gym that was checking you out? I'll give you the mistletoe, you go find her. Or I'll find her for you. How's that?

Except you kind of are? I mean...ya know I'm missing my wife. Ya know I'm far from home and trying to carve whatever kinda life I possibly can here. Ya know I'm dealing with a bunch of stress from people who've turned on me and want to make my life difficult....and I can't even joke around with ya, or get any kind of actual sympathy.

[Jack folds his arms, fixing Rhys with a pointed look.]

I just...I'm starting to feel like this whole thing is pretty one sided. I'm there for ya, I try and cheer ya up when I notice you're bummed out, I listen to ya and try and help with your problems...

I make a little joke about mistletoe with ya to ease my sad, hurting heart....and you're just concerned about the fact that...what? You enjoyed having a little one off fun with me? Or something?

Besides that, christ on a cracker, pumpkin, I'm married now. I'm not doing anything with any women that aren't my wife. One, she'd twist off my balls next time she sees me, two, I take marriage vows seriously. What the hell kind of dude do you think I am?

[ GUILT TRIP!

Rhys is quiet through Jack's whole speech, and wow, he is kind of a bad friend. Maybe Jack was just trying to poke some fun, and here was Rhys being mean and crazy, and tender about the fact that he did some questionable things the last time he got drunk. All when Nisha was gone. That wasn't cool. ]

S-sorry. I...didn't think about any of that.

[ Hook line and sinker? ] I didn't mean to piss you off.

...and after that baring of my god damned soul to you, that outpouring of honesty and vulnerability... [Wow Jack, way to be dramatic.] You think I'm pissed off. You think... ya'know, I really don't know how your brain works sometimes, Rhys. Does it work, or are you running on electric impulses and some sluglike survival instinct? Because most people would think 'oh, hey, I have clearly hurt my friend's feelings'.

[Jack throws his hands up. Seriously. What goes on behind those mismatched and unfairly pretty eyes of Rhys'? Does he understand how to friend? Does he know how friendships work?]

[Considering the last people he was calling his friends, maybe not. Maybe Rhys is just Friend Stupid.]

Because that's...you've hurt me, cupcake. My heart, you've stabbed at it, and other poetic expressions of dismay and....soul woundery....

You get what I mean.

[Most of that sounded awesome.]

[ Okay so just imagine a kicked puppy right now. That's Rhys.

Staring at his feet, shoulders slumped, maybe looking up with mismatched eyes to at least say he made eye contact once or twice during this episode. Jack is the definition of unpredictability, and this kind of just...shows it? Since y'know, Rhys wasn't sure whether he hurt his feelings, pissed him off, or worse. Both.

Thank god there's no airlocks here. ]

I, I get what you mean.

[ He looks up again, and I'm telling you kicked goddamn puppy look talk about soul woundery ] I uh, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I really didn't. And I'm sorry about everything else that's happened lately. [ It feels like he has to apologize, so. ]

I'll, um. I'll get something for us to eat for the house. To make up for the soul woundery. [ Rhys is trying to make this all stop while at the same time trying to avoid the subject of mistletoe... ]

Okay. But I hope that you're gonna take this little heart to heart to heart, ya dig? I'd hate to think that my best buddy wasn't as invested in this friendship as I am. That'd be a real bummer, doodlebug. For both of us.

[Jack's expression and tone might be all smiles and sunshine, but there's a dangerous tone underneath it all. He doesn't like it when he meets what he sees as resistance. And Rhys' behavior...it has gotten questionable. Not cool.]

[But hopefully Rhys gets the message.]

And I appreciate that gesture, that's real swell. I'm glad we got that all out there, ya know it's not healthy to bottle up your feelings. Leads to all kinds of unpleasant circumstances. Ulcers, insomnia...other stuff, whatever. [Jack chuckles a little darkly.] Anyway...

Chill.

[He leans over and smacks his mouth against Rhys' cheek, making an exaggerated kissing sound as he does.]

[ Rhys hears that in Jack's tone, and oh no. He doesn't want to hear that again. The last time Jack had such a warning tone in his voice, Rhys ended up getting strangled to the point where he passed out blank on his floor. Things just, just started getting better until now. What even started this?

Jack leans in to peck his cheek, and he doesn't move. Hands are at his sides, his gaze lowered. His face is redder than a tomato, but y'know. ]

I'll...I will.

D-do you need anything? I'm probably gonna...just go get takeout. Or something.